Fear
How did everyone come to terms with almost dying? Did anyone have to take time to process coming so close to death? I keep replaying the weekend before I went into ICU in my mind. It scares me how sick I was. Then I think about the look of panic on the ER doctor's face when my CT scan came back. I asked another doctor if I was going to die and he told me he "wasn't sure" that most people with a saddle PE die before they make it to the hospital. I keep wondering why this happened and what am I supposed to take away from it. So far it has just made me extremely depressed and fearful.
I've prayed so much that my body would heal and while the cardiologist did say my heart had healed it has been of little condolence. Now I wonder when will I fully recover? And will it happen again? Will the filter catch the clot? What if I clot in my arm?
I want to move on I don't want to just go through the motions of life. But how?
I've prayed so much that my body would heal and while the cardiologist did say my heart had healed it has been of little condolence. Now I wonder when will I fully recover? And will it happen again? Will the filter catch the clot? What if I clot in my arm?
I want to move on I don't want to just go through the motions of life. But how?
Replies
I haven\'t come to terms with it either...Not sure what it will take but I\'m trying to get back in touch with my faith to get in a better place.
Just going through the motions is a step in the right direction. I\'m stuggling with just that. I know it sounds trite, but it seems like that phrase, \"fake it til\' you make it\" has really hit home we ith me :/
Time. The more normal stuff you do, day to day, the more you engage fully with others and listen to them and interact with them, the less intrusive the weird thoughts about dying and what it all means will become.
Also, therapy was a godsend for me. I didn\'t go that long, like 6 times, but it was the best thing I did for myself after my PE. It made me feel more in control, less afraid, etc.
When I first went back to work after my PE, a coworker I didn\'t know very well said to me, so did this experience give you a new lease on life like you were going to live each day to the fullest. I said, it\'s kind of not like that, it\'s more confusing than anything else and it can take you to some dark places in your head. But honestly, with time it does feel like, man I\'m so lucky and I don\'t have any mixed feelings about that. And I agree about fake it to you make it. I did that a lot, just going through the motions, pretending. Eventually, without even realizing it, you find you\'re not faking anymore.
By the way 7 months after my PE, I did get am DVT in my arm. They have a lower chance of traveling to your lungs. You\'d probably be symptomatic of an arm clot before it ever got to your lungs. Sorry I\'m so pragmatic, but that\'s actually what got me through a lot of stuff too after my PE, literally talking logic to myself, out loud sometime, just to get through a moment of panic about a what if scenario.