Meds

I need to try and calm my anxiety before I get into bed with John since he's already snoozing away. I can't believe I felt physically and mentally ill on Christmas eve. I don't want to keep being a burden to John so lately I've been crying in the bathroom and after he goes to bed. I don't get it. I don't get what I'm doing differentl. I felt ok 2 days ago. Is it the sugar I'm eating. Did I not drink enough water? What??? 
 
I almost want to break down and ask for a med that will numb me emotionally. I want more testing done damn it. I don't believe the POTS diagnosis. I either had the chills today or was burning up sweating. That's POTS??? My blood pressure , my heart rate and temperature were fine. I'm so frustrate. I couldn't even hold up a conversation with my brother without feeling weird and dehydrate. I'm so frustrated.