I wish I could understand the things going on in my head... One second I feel fine, hopeful, positive. Then it's like, out of the blue, half the time for no reason at all, I feel sad, angry, lonely, lost, & alone... Like everything good in the world just disappears.. And I try.. I try REALLY freaking hard to just be positive.. But, even when I act positive and happy around other people, I just feel soo broken... I'm finding it hard to think of good reasons to even be alive, I mean, I can come up with plenty.. But.. They don't feel right.. It's just not enough.. It's not enough to make me WANT to live... I feel like I am alive because I have to be.. And that is not a very good feeling... I wake up each day, wanting to do something with my life.. Wanting to get out and live.. Do something different.. Hang out with someone.. Go walk one/both of my dogs...  But, I sit up in bed and it's like.. Why..? I'm just here to make sure my nephew get to/from school, drive my mom around and listen to how I'm doing everything so wrong... I feel so overwhelmed all of the time.. And I don't really understand why.. I mean, I really don't have much of a reason for it.. I don't know.. Maybe I can figure out a way to get myself to the trails not far from here and I can walk my dogs, sit at the park and read a book. something.. Anything to get out of here for a while. I need an escape.. These feelings are not good for me... 
Anyways, it is going to be a long day, I couldn't sleep, and I have to drive my mom around. Really hoping the day goes by quickly. At least I can be happy that my hair seems to be cooperating with me so far. (Well mostly) As long as I don't fall asleep while driving I should be good, need lot of sugar.. And maybe some coffee haha 
Oh yeah, and my dog that got shot recently is doing fantastic, healing up nicely and monday I am plannign on trying to take both of my dogs to the mall to get a picture with Santa.  I am actually looking forward to it haha. Gotta have a picture of my babies with Santa! : P Should be fun! If it actually happens I will post the picture on here.
I hope everyone reading this has a lovely day/night and remember.. 
You are awesome and deserve the best and you are soooo enough it's not even funny! ♥