It is shocking how much I think about suicide.. I mean.. I knew I have those thoughts a lot.. But I've only just realized how much I do think about it.. I'm not planning to kill myself... But.. I can't stop thinking about it... It's always on my mind.. Even the best thoughts turn into something bad.. It's like this constant dark cloud over my head.. I feel so drained all the time... 
I need to get my mind off of everything.. But I don't know how... I feel like such a screw up.... ALL I do is mess everything up and cause problems... I just wanna curl up in bed and disappear.... Sometimes it really feels like I just don't belong here.. Like maybe I'm just not right for this life... Maybe I am just too weak..
Ugh... I need to find something to distract me.. Going to be going out and doing some stuff tonight, maybe it'll help...
I don't know.. I usually get over it by the afternoon.. We'll see...