I'm not handling things too well tonight(technically last night I guess).. I'm trying sooo hard, but I feel so overwhelmed...  It's hard to breathe.. I've been upset all day/night... Felt sick most of the day, actually, i still feel pretty ill.. 
I've been eating more.. A lot more.. And I hate it.. I need to get back to not eating or barely eating... I feel disgusted with myself again... 
I can tell my feelings for someone are getting stronger.. And it is driving me nuts.. Because I don't want to get too close to anyone.. But, I want them around, and I want to be close to them... : / But I still miss the guy I've been attached to... I still have not been able to get over him.. It's frustrating....
I just want to curl up and pretend I don't exist for a while.. The urge to hurt myself is still very strong... But... I'm not giving up yet... I gotta get through this.. It's just so tiring and overwhelming..I feel so drained... 
Anyways.. 
10 things that make me smile:
• Flowers
• Hearing people get excited about things they are passionate about
• Watching guys play with little kids<3 
• Hugs
• Lame jokes/pick up lines
• Cartoons
• Rain/storms
• When people sing to me (no matter how bad I always love it!)
• Listening to my nephew play video games (it's hilarious and cute)
• When my animals are extra cuddly