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Sometimes I think.. Screw people, I'm awesome and I don't care what they think! But then I start to think.. And I remember how annoying I am.. And how Depressing I am.. And how frustrating and stubborn I am. And how unattractive I am. And how I'm a shitty girlfriend.. Ect.. And I feel crappy all over again...I look in the mirror.. and I know I'm not the most unattractive person on the planet.. But I am still disgusted with myself.. I still know I'm not very attractive... at the end of the day I just think.. Who the hell would ever want me..? The guys who treat me like shit? I mean, some good guys have said they had feelings for me.. But 99% of the time that changes very quickly.. Especially when I have feelings for them.. And anyways.. I don't feel like I really deserve it.. I'm a crappy person/girlfriend anyways... It all feels pointless.. I'm never gonna get out of here.. I'm never gonna get a job, or at least one worth having.. I'm never going to get my shit together.... I'm literally just a waste of space... So many good people die.. People with bright futures and important lives.. And yet I'm still here...? Someone going no where in life...? Someone who is a terrible daughter, friend, girlfriend and person in general...? It's stupid... It's stupid that I'm still living, wasting time, space and money because I don't have the guts to end my own life... While so many amazing people die daily.. People who matter...
Why am I still here..? What's the point..? So much bullshit could be cut out of so many peoples lives if I were gone.. I couldn't annoy people.. I couldn't break anyones heart, hell, I couldn't get my heart broken... All the things my family complains about (mostly involving me) could all be gone... If I just had it in me to follow through and do it... People would be sad maybe.. But they'd get over it eventually.. Doesn't matter.. Don't see myself doing it anytime soon if at all.. I will continue to live as the pathetic waste of space that I am...