Laying in bed, waiting for my melatonin to kick in, probably gonna end up taking more before I fall asleep...
I am not sure if I am getting better or worse... I've been okay.. I guess.. Better than I was I think.. But.. I feel numb... It's like.. I am here, I'm alive, I can fake a good laugh and smile when needed.. But I feel empty.. Not feeling suicidal really, I mean no more than normal. I'm not planning on hurting myself.. But, at the same time, I think everyone in my life could walk away and I don't know that I'd feel much at all.. I can talk to people, but it's really difficult.. Feels nearly impossible.. All I WANT to do is sleep...I have no energy or motivation to even leave my bed.. I'd much rather lay in bed and wish that I could just disappear... But.. It could be worse.. I think I'm finally reaching the point where I am shutting down.. And honestly.. I'm kind of glad..I don't want to feel anything for a while... I don't want to care... Only worry is that I won't get better this time... But, at this point I don't care.. 
I was going to try to leave this on a good note.. But my melatonin is kicking in and I just want to sleep now.. So.. Yeah...