I'm not really sure how to explain this feeling.. I guess the best I say would be still numb? And very very exhausted.. I'm emotionally worn out and just empty.. I mean, It's not even necessarily that anything bad is happening or that I even feel bad anymore.. I don't really know how I feel.. It's like.. On one hand.. I feel sad, lonely, frustrated, lost and just all around terrible.. But.. On the other hand.. It's hard to really even feel anything? Like.. I feel soo bad.. And I just want to cry, scream, throw something and fall apart.. But I it's like I don't really feel much at all.. I just want to lay back down and sleep.. But I can't sleep.. And the slightest things give me panic attacks.. The smallest arguements make me feel overwhelmed and upset.. It's so frustrating.. And I just feel constantly overwhelmed.. I don't know if I'm even making sense right now.. My brain is really screwing with me right now.. ButI'm trying to get through this.. Will probably have a few more meltdowns before I get better.. But.. For now, I'm doing the best I can..
In other news.. My sister is dragging me to the gym today.. Since I haven't really been able to go the last 2 weekends and I don't really have any way to meet her there after she gets off work on the week days. I know I need to go.. And I want to.. But at the same time it's difficult to get out of bed and do anything.. But I'm gonna go, get myself to do something.. As long as I don't have a panic attack or end up crying.. I should be good. Gonna take my phone, listen to some music and try to relax.. Gonna keep telling myself that I will be okay... I have to be..