Couldn't sleep.. Stayed up watching netflix... I'm losing myself more and more each day... I cried for hours... I guess the show I watched really didn't help though..
How am I supposed to get up to courage to actually admit that I need someone... How am I supposed to ask for help..? I never was good at that.. Maybe I'll vent a little and then do my best to drop it, convince people I'm alright.. But.. What if I'm not..? What if I've never been this far from being alright..? It hurts so bad.... I just eant it to stop....God... I'd give anything to make it stop..... I don't want to sleep.. I don't want to eat.. I don't want to cry. I don't want to breathe.. I just want it to stop..I don't want to feel like at any moment I'm going to lose everything... I don't want to doubt whether everyone I care about is going to leave.. I don't want to lose anyone elseI don't know what to do... I keep trying to get myself to talk to someone about it or ask for help.. Say the things I really want to.. But... I can't.... These are my problems... No one elses.. I can't get myself to just do it.. Quite a few times I've thought about asking friend to call me either on the phone or skype.. I've even started to type it out in a text... I just can't... When I need people the most I never have the guts to just tell someone.... Because... Who am I to ask anyone to listen to my bullshit? Who am I to ask someone to watch/listen to me cry and fall apart..? I have no right.... But... I need someone.... More than ever.. And here I am shutting everyone out... Maybe it's for the best... But why does it hurt so bad..? I just want it to stop.. I don't want to be alone.. And I know I'm not.. But it sure as hell feels like it.. And it's all my fault.. I'm doing nothing but screwing up.. Over and over and over again... I'm a fucking mess...
How am I supposed to get up to courage to actually admit that I need someone... How am I supposed to ask for help..? I never was good at that.. Maybe I'll vent a little and then do my best to drop it, convince people I'm alright.. But.. What if I'm not..? What if I've never been this far from being alright..? It hurts so bad.... I just eant it to stop....God... I'd give anything to make it stop..... I don't want to sleep.. I don't want to eat.. I don't want to cry. I don't want to breathe.. I just want it to stop..I don't want to feel like at any moment I'm going to lose everything... I don't want to doubt whether everyone I care about is going to leave.. I don't want to lose anyone elseI don't know what to do... I keep trying to get myself to talk to someone about it or ask for help.. Say the things I really want to.. But... I can't.... These are my problems... No one elses.. I can't get myself to just do it.. Quite a few times I've thought about asking friend to call me either on the phone or skype.. I've even started to type it out in a text... I just can't... When I need people the most I never have the guts to just tell someone.... Because... Who am I to ask anyone to listen to my bullshit? Who am I to ask someone to watch/listen to me cry and fall apart..? I have no right.... But... I need someone.... More than ever.. And here I am shutting everyone out... Maybe it's for the best... But why does it hurt so bad..? I just want it to stop.. I don't want to be alone.. And I know I'm not.. But it sure as hell feels like it.. And it's all my fault.. I'm doing nothing but screwing up.. Over and over and over again... I'm a fucking mess...
Replies
I\'m so sorry you feel this way. I\'ve had so many days where I\'ve felt the same, for over a decade. I don\'t now, at least it\'s stopped for a while. That\'s probably the worst a person can feel, is isolation. Let me know if there\'s anything I can do, read, listen?