I feel worthless.. It feels like I'm going no where.. No job, no money, no future..  I'm stuck here.. And it is really getting to me.. And then I feellike an overall shitty person.. Crappy personality, unattractive, far from smart.. Hell, I even fail at video games... I've lost interest in nearly everything.. Photography feels pointless, working to become an auto mechanic feels pointless. I enjoy talking to 2 people... Pretty much it... I talk to some other people, but i could probably completely shut out all but those 2.. Although.. I've been such a mess that it's hard to even talk to them anymore.. tonight, I've spent pretty much the last hr or so in tears and laying in bed staring at my knife.... I was drinking with friends and my sister earlier.. Alcohol makes me happier, clears my head a bit, makes me feel a lil less shitty... It's become one of my few escapes.. I want to just curl up in bed with a bunch of alcohol and forget the world... Just.. Not alone.. There is someone I wouldn't mind having here right now... I really don't feel like being alone... I just want to lay in bed with someone, drink, and watch movies.. Pretend the rest of the world doesn't even exist... Sounds pretty great right now... I wish I could just suck it up and get over this.. Stop being such a downer.. Stop screwing things up.. Stop causing problems.. All I haer anymore is how I cause so many problems... And everything is always my fault, and I'm the bad one... I just don't even want to be alive.. Sometimes I really wish I could just go through with suicide... If i didn't worry so much about hurting people.. I would in a heart beat.... I'm never gonna be anything but a problem & a mistake... Everyone would be so much better off without me.....