Food is becoming my worst enemy... I have always loved food so much.. Eating became my way of coping... It couldn't hurt me, it couldn't judge me or make me feel so bad. It made me feel better.. Now Even the thought of eating makes me feel disgusting... When I skip meals I feel so much better.. I can look in the mirror and feel a tiny bit better... And then as soon as I take even a small bite.. I feel gross.. I look in the mirror and ALL I see is fat.. And then I start thinking.. If I just stop eating... Maybe that feeling will go away.. And it does.. I do get myself to eat. I talk to someone about it.. And, it usually works.. But.. It's all I can think about.. My sister is going to get me started working out and stuff.. Going to a gym, doing a bunch of the classes and stuff that it offers, personal trainer... On one hand, I'm excited.. I am ready to lose this weight... But... I feel like I will fail like I always do... I have such mixed emotions about all of it... I just want to curl up in bed and disappear... I want to fall asleep and never wake up.. And it makes it really hard to get the motivation to leave my bed or get up and do anything... I am so tired of being so disgusted with myself.. Not eating, constantly feeling the need to self harm, hell, it's hard to really even enjoy video games.. I can't sleep well anymore.. On one hand, I sleep probably too much.. But I toss and turn and wake up all the time.. And I feel like I've slept too much, yet I'm ALLWAYS tired... Always... 
I am nothing but a disappointment, mistake, selfish bitch, lazy, stupid, fat, I am just another problem in peoples lives... That is all I ever will be... All I do is mess things up.. And I really don't want to do that anymore... I just want everyone to be happy.... Maybe that means me not being around...