So tired....

I feel so worthless... Pathetic... like the world would be so much better without me.. I just cause problems... I hurt the people I care about... I upset the people I want so badly to make happy. I am weak.. I'm far from smart... I'm not a good person... I am trying as hard as I can to act like I'm okay. And I can't... I can't even fake being happy anymore... I feel like I'm just bringing everyone down and causing more trouble than I'm worth.. I've nearly hurt myself probably 4-5 times today... Even kept a sharp safety pin handy in case I couldn't resist the urge anymore... Because it'd work better than nothing.... I just want to disappear.... or leave this place and never look back... I want to curl up in my bed and just cry... I'm falling apart... But... I don't want to actually go to anyone about it.. I can't... I already do that too much... I hadn't planned on even writing this... And I keep debating on whether I wanna make this visible to anyone or not... idk... so many thoughts going through my head at once... I don't want to feel like this anymore... I'm about to have a mental breakdown.... Sometimes I think.. maybe it'd be better if I just pushed everyone away and stayed alone... Better for everyone... Screw things up now and get it over with, cause it's gonna happen eventually anyways.... I always screw things up... Maybe it'd hurt less... I don't know...  I should probably just go to bed... Being awake is just pointless right now... Hopefully i can sleep tonight.. and put a smile on my face tomorrow.. Doing the best I can.. Not working anymore though... So ready for this bit of depression to be over..