Feeling a lil better, finally starting to get things going...  Slowly getting my life together a lil bit...  But... I feel so weird.. I'm trying soo hard to keep a positive attitude and to keep my chin up.. But... It's hard.. I want to live... I mean, I want a future... But, at the same time.. I wouldn't really be too upset if I found out I only had a short time left to live... I want to fall in love.. I want to get a job.. I want to travel.. I want all of it.. But.. I also want to die... I don't want to feel the way I do.. I don't want to feel like I'm suffocating.. I don't want to be a waste of time and space.. I don't want to cause more problems than I'm worth.. I don't know anymore.. I feel so empty...... It's hard to do anything.. Breathe, think, talk... Everything feels so much more difficult than it actually is..  I just want to curl up in a ball and pretend I don't exist for a while...