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Thoughts of suicide still flood my mind..  Anxiety fills my lungs.. I'm almost constantly anxious.. Panic attacks happen quite a bit.. Someone I care about very much is barely speaking to me..  I've lost soo many friends.. I am trying soooo hard to act like I am okay... To not show people how bad I am.. For the most part, very few people know.. Most people think I'm okay.. I feel nothing and everything all at once.. On one hand i feel empty, numb, apathetic... On the other hand... I feel sad, angry, scared, happy, lethargic...  It's this overwhelming feeling.. I am not even sure exactly what I am feeling anymore... It's all so jumbled together, half the time, my emotions dont feel appropriate for the situation... It's so confusing..  Part of me wants to just stay curled up in bed, watching netflix and avoiding the world... But, I know I shouldn't.. I know I need to get up and do something.. But... What's the point if I'm just going to screw everything up when I do..? I do nothing, people are mad cause I'm a lazy piece of shit.. I do something, I did something wrong or am wasting money.. I am quiet, I'm TOO quiet and rude and antisocial ect.  I am talkative, I talk too mucha dn I'm annoyed.. I go along with what other people say and keep my opinions to myself, people get mad that I never have an opinion... I have an opinion, then I'm slefish or it's wrong and i'm a horrible person.. There is no winning...  It's frustrating as hell...  I feel like I'm losing my mind.... I feel like I am suffocating and I hate it... I'm tired of feeling the way I do... I just want it to end....