Depressed

Suicide is on my mind... Worse than before.. all I can think is overdose, cut a lil too deep, jump, put the gun to your head.  These thoughts.. they replay in my head.. over and over and over again. On repeat. My lungs feel empty, my heart, heavy. I distract myself.. Melatonin... "A few more tablets won't hurt a  thing.." so i add a few more. Fall asleep quickly.. Sleep until i am forced to get out of bed... Block out the noise in my head with music.  It all is becoming too much... No one to turn to, no where to run.. I'm losing myself.. Becoming cold, numb, empty, someone  I am not... I'm slowly fading away into this darkness that surrounds me..  The anxiety..  It's ripping me apart.. Can't breathe, crying uncontrollably.. I have to cut.. Just enough to numb the pain... Maybe  a little more.. I will cut til i can no longer feel the pain from my blade... It works.. til this feeling quickly wears off.. So many reason's i should stay strong.. My nephew, my dad,  my sister, my animals, a possible future, to hear the voice of the person i love.. to see his smile.. to  kiss those lips...  But still, I am only able to think about the fact that I just don't want to be alive anymore... Maybe it's the depression talking.. maybe in a few days, with some rest this will all change.. Maybe it will only get worse...I  only know this... This dark, deep hole I am sinking into.. It is killing me... More and more each day.. I no longer enjoy the things i once loved.. I no longer see a point in living.. And  i need help.... And it is scaring me...  v.v I just want to feel okay again...