Day 19

I saw a picture of C with some guy. She looks great, and hot. I miss being with her, kissing her, caressing her, everything with her. I miss the sexual approach I shared with her, it felt so good. I'm an addict to porn and masturbation,you can imagine how amazing it was for me to make my fantasies come true with the woman I liked so so much. Despite all the chemistry between she and I, we only managed to get there halfway because she still wasn't sure about us being together. Anyway, long story short, we broke up she met a guy, then another and I was hopping that at some point she'd come back to me but that's not gonna happen. However, I still want her.
Many times I watched porn and masturbated because I needed so much to find someone who reminded me a little of her, of her body. That urge is back, I want so much to be with her right now and do the stuff we used to do. I want to live that but I can't, I know that I should not let this thoughts take over me but I want so that so much. I want to fantasize of her and that will lead me to porn and masturbation, that's the closest I can get to the actual sensation of having her.
Ok, I know all this sounds too sick but I'm pretty fucked up. This is why I'm working so hard to change and be normal again. I have to be strong, I just needed to let all this out.
Bottom line, she and I are over, she is seeing someone else and so am I. I want a nice and healthy relationship with F, I want to give myself and her a chance to be happy together. I will become stronger, I will become the man I want to be. Dream, the Fenix