Day 18

Today was good. I spent time with F and it went pretty well. The only thing that I don't like is that she game me another gift. This gift was something she knitted, a pair of finger less gloves. I am afraid that she may be already in love with me, I don't like that because I'm not in love with her yet and there are a couple of things that I don't like about her. Those things make me wonder, will I ever actually fall for her. If I don't I'll have to end the relationship and That will cause her some pain. I'm even starting to think it's a good idea to act like a punk and see if that will make things easier. However, I don't want to jump into conclusions yet, I will try to enjoy my time with F and see if I fall for her, if not, then I'll see. 
On the other hand, sometimes I do enjoy kissing her but my problem with porn has something to do with that. Like every time I kiss her, I get an erection and I have noticed that she has big breasts. So, my mind is still thinking of sex. I keep thinking of what would happen if we had a room for us. I hate and I like those thoughts, it's sick. Today I also told her that I enjoy caressing her, I do caress her but just like her shoulders or back, however, my plan was to eventually get to the sex part. I know it is wrong but I do it anyway, I have to find a way to stop that. 
I still miss porn but I have to be strong.
Today I didn't masturbate.