Day 10

So, today was a a pretty busy day. I went up and down, I was so tired. Then I went out with F.
I sure like her but I'm still not that into her. She, on the other hand, sometimes keeps talking about The love between her grant parents, how much she enjoys my company and how she really like me. To be honest, I have thought many times about  us just enjoying each other's company, then stop dating and moving on, follow our dreams but she is thinking of a future together already. I really don't want to hurt her, I don't know if I should just keep dating her until the relationship fails, because I think it will, or tell her right now that I'm not looking forward to falling in love with anyone and that if I do fall in love it will be because of chance, not a choice. I feel awful. Do people date other people always thinking about a future together? Is it ok to date someone when you are not sure about considering them in your future. I feel really awful.
Then again, I enjoyed my time with F, we talked, we played, we kissed, we cuddled and we were really nice to each other. Where is this going to end? I'm scared.
 Actually,I enjoyed it so much that I got blue balls. This has something to do with porn and masturbation. I got aroused just by kissing her, now I feel as if someone kicked my balls. Maybe I'm with her out of pure desire and some lust. My mind is still broken, I'm starting to think that i wasn't ready for a girlfriend.
 
I didn't masturbate today.