Day 7

Today it was a good day. I still have trouble when looking at beautiful girls, it is like this urge to look at them. I want to be able to tell that they look good and let them be. Looks are not a big deal. I spent most of my day with A. and a friend was even jealous because she spends so much time with me. Deep inside, I still wonder about me dating her. All this thoughts keep popping up in my head and they are hard to control, specially because I enjoy some of them. I used to wonder about what it would feel like to kiss one of these many girls I feel attraction to, and obviously I enjoy those thoughts. However, those thoughts usually left me frustrated, I wanted more, and more, fantasize more, want more, and this would ultimately lead me to porn. 
I hate that this behavior is still deep within me. I promise I will try not to think of beauty and no more nonsense fantasizing. 
Anyway, despite all that, it was a good day, I didn't have trouble with my grades, I enjoyed being around people and I got to buy the anti porn ring and the necklace for F. The ring has my real name in it Dream Fenix and it will be one of my greatest weapons against porn. On the other hand, the necklace looks good and I like wearing it.
I miss F and I feel that I do like her. I kept thinking to myself "She is my girlfriend and she likes me a lot." I like that. I'm still worried though, mainly because I like affection, attention and my hormones are looking for some action. Just thinking of her makes me have an erection and that is annoying. I want a normal relationship, to like this girl for real and be healthy again. I spend about 30 minutes flirting with F, I still can't lie to her, every single nice thing i told her was real. I hope it stays real, I hope that I don't change my mind in the next days.
I didn't masturbate today