Day 3

Today was a good day I think. I saw the magic video girl and I felt a little jealous but that was it. I'm trying to avoid wasting time but sometimes I can't help it. I don't like this because when I waste time my mind wonders about many things and sometimes girls, which leads to porn. I have to find a way to spend my time efficiently. I asked F out, I'm not sure it was a good idea though, I still need attention, affection and everything arouses me so I don't know how much I am really attracted to her. I really don't want to hurt her but I also enjoy her company and I want to try something else with her. It is a good thing that she is smart because that means that even if something happens between us, there is not going to be sex at all. I'm not ready for sex but maybe I'm still not ready for a relationship either. To be honest, I'm still desperate for some affection.
I'll try my best to do things right though, I really hope I don't mess up. 
It makes me angry that just thinking of her makes me have an erection. I mean wtf, I'm not even imagining something about sex, just thinking about dating this girl I like. I want to get better soon. 
I didn't watch porn today and I decided to read every day the commitments I made the first day, I hope it works.