Day 2

Today was a little better, except for one thing, I saw something a girl I like posted on facebook. It was a song or her boyfriend, Magic by Coldplay. What a beautiful song, really. I've never been in a relationship like that and I hated myself because deep inside I thought I deserved never being loved. I used to think that no sane girl would go out with a perv like me and that was my punishment for watching porn and masturbating. There was a reason why I hated myself, and girls around me could sense it. Porn destroyed my self esteem, I still feel like this awful creature that no one will bother to look. There is so much anger when I think of all this, I wish porn was a monster I could destroy completely but I can't destroy it. Instead, I'm lonely and miserable, I want to feel something nice again, something that will make me forget about the sad things in my life. I think and there is nothing, just porn. Porn makes me feel good and helps me forget everything even for some minutes, then I feel worse but a little calmer. 
Fortunately today nothing happen, I managed not to masturbate. I did think about sex a couple of times but I managed to keep it under control. I have to stay strong.