Well, I don't even have a title for today's journal - I'm having a "blah" kind of day. Sure, the weather is beautiful - I'm greatful for that. Went to see my therapist today - and when I got there the said there was a problem with my insurance - so I wasn't able to go - which really bummed me out. I really needed to talk with her - I had a list of questions, etc. that I wanted to discuss. So tomorrow I need to call my insurance company and ask what's up. The next available appt. is May 29th!!!!! So far away - I don't know if I can wait that long.
I feel lonely today. Had a busy day with appts., etc...but lately as I lay in bed at night - it's been really lonely. I'm still sleeping on "my side" of the bed. I miss having someone to share things with - like what's gone on during the day. Someone to laugh with - curl up with and just plain old cuddle. I never really had that with my ex - but had it with D - and I miss having that. I don't want someone 24/7 - just someone who I could hang out with when my kids are gone with their dad. Like a once a week - go out grab a bite - watch a movie type thing. I'm not looking for anything serious - as my time right now doesn't allow it. All my friends are married so they spend their weekends with their spouses.
The highlight of my Sat. night this week (I'm not working :( ) is probably going to Barnes and Noble - grabbing a Starbucks and browsing. I know I'm so exciting huh? hehe It is something I enjoy doing - so I guess that's what I'll be doing - I'll be Seeking Knowledge :)
Sunday is my long day from hell. As most of you know I waitress every other Sat. and trying to pick up my off ones - so I don't have to sit alone on Sat. nights. This week no one needs coverage - so I have a date with Starbucks and a book. But I'm required to work on Sunday (Mother's Day) and it's like a 10-12 hour shift running like a fool. It'll be great money - but I'll be totally wiped out. My ex drops the kids off at 7 usually - but my day probably won't end until 9 - so I had to suck up to see if he'd take them the extra 2 hours. I even told him he could come back to my place with the kids and tuck them in - and watch tv and hang out. My friends are like you know he's going to snoop. My additude is so be it if he does - and if he finds something he doesn't like - oh well he shouldn't have been snooping to begin with.
My son leaves for Maine tomorrow afternoon with the Boy Scouts to go white water rafting. He went last year and loved it - and I'm sure he'll enjoy it again. The weather is suppose to be gorgeous. I'm happy for him. So I guess it will be a girl's night for me and my daughter. I'm thinking of visiting my mom tomorrow night with her - since I won't be able to on Sunday. I think I'll get her an ice cream cake. My mom has Alzheimers. She doesn't even recognize me anymore. It will be a constant repeat over and over 'WHo are you to me?" Oh ok (will remember my name - not me per say) and ask if I'm married - and when I say no - it will be "well how's that possible' you have a child, etc. over and over again. My Dad will look at me with disappointment in his eyes as to why I'm doing this. Oh yeah, fun time - sorry don't mean to be sarcastic - just I get so down when I see them. I know they're my parents - and yes I love them - it's just that we come from such different worlds. First off - they're old enough to be my grandparents (they were 44 and 47 when they had me) and secondly they are VERY old world catholics....need I say more?
I love reading people's journals talking about the wonderful memories they had growing up with their folks and siblings. I envy that. I would have given ANYTHING to have those memories. What can you do though...All I can do is try and not repeat history with my kids. I fall into the trap sometimes - because it was so conditioned - that I catch myself - and say "hey remember..." and try and correct it.
On a different note....something I've been thinking about - as I think about my high school years, etc. There was this guy that was smitten with me - but at the time I was dating my husband. I didn't really realize he was - until I started thinking about my Senior Year in high school - and how we had the same classes - and grew close that year. His name came up the other day as I was talking with a client of mine that use to know him too. She told me last she knew he never married - had a daughter - but to her knowledge wasn't seeing anyone. I know this is nuts and we're talking 20 years later - but I was thinking of calling him and saying "hi". Do you think it's crazy? It's been 20 years - but honestly - I've wondered about him off and on during those years. If anything it would be nice to sit and maybe grab some lunch and catch up....what do you all think? Think I'm way out there for considering this? I value my DS friends' opinions very much - and would appreciate your thoughts.
As always - thanks for stopping by - and hope all is well in your neck of the woods :)
I feel lonely today. Had a busy day with appts., etc...but lately as I lay in bed at night - it's been really lonely. I'm still sleeping on "my side" of the bed. I miss having someone to share things with - like what's gone on during the day. Someone to laugh with - curl up with and just plain old cuddle. I never really had that with my ex - but had it with D - and I miss having that. I don't want someone 24/7 - just someone who I could hang out with when my kids are gone with their dad. Like a once a week - go out grab a bite - watch a movie type thing. I'm not looking for anything serious - as my time right now doesn't allow it. All my friends are married so they spend their weekends with their spouses.
The highlight of my Sat. night this week (I'm not working :( ) is probably going to Barnes and Noble - grabbing a Starbucks and browsing. I know I'm so exciting huh? hehe It is something I enjoy doing - so I guess that's what I'll be doing - I'll be Seeking Knowledge :)
Sunday is my long day from hell. As most of you know I waitress every other Sat. and trying to pick up my off ones - so I don't have to sit alone on Sat. nights. This week no one needs coverage - so I have a date with Starbucks and a book. But I'm required to work on Sunday (Mother's Day) and it's like a 10-12 hour shift running like a fool. It'll be great money - but I'll be totally wiped out. My ex drops the kids off at 7 usually - but my day probably won't end until 9 - so I had to suck up to see if he'd take them the extra 2 hours. I even told him he could come back to my place with the kids and tuck them in - and watch tv and hang out. My friends are like you know he's going to snoop. My additude is so be it if he does - and if he finds something he doesn't like - oh well he shouldn't have been snooping to begin with.
My son leaves for Maine tomorrow afternoon with the Boy Scouts to go white water rafting. He went last year and loved it - and I'm sure he'll enjoy it again. The weather is suppose to be gorgeous. I'm happy for him. So I guess it will be a girl's night for me and my daughter. I'm thinking of visiting my mom tomorrow night with her - since I won't be able to on Sunday. I think I'll get her an ice cream cake. My mom has Alzheimers. She doesn't even recognize me anymore. It will be a constant repeat over and over 'WHo are you to me?" Oh ok (will remember my name - not me per say) and ask if I'm married - and when I say no - it will be "well how's that possible' you have a child, etc. over and over again. My Dad will look at me with disappointment in his eyes as to why I'm doing this. Oh yeah, fun time - sorry don't mean to be sarcastic - just I get so down when I see them. I know they're my parents - and yes I love them - it's just that we come from such different worlds. First off - they're old enough to be my grandparents (they were 44 and 47 when they had me) and secondly they are VERY old world catholics....need I say more?
I love reading people's journals talking about the wonderful memories they had growing up with their folks and siblings. I envy that. I would have given ANYTHING to have those memories. What can you do though...All I can do is try and not repeat history with my kids. I fall into the trap sometimes - because it was so conditioned - that I catch myself - and say "hey remember..." and try and correct it.
On a different note....something I've been thinking about - as I think about my high school years, etc. There was this guy that was smitten with me - but at the time I was dating my husband. I didn't really realize he was - until I started thinking about my Senior Year in high school - and how we had the same classes - and grew close that year. His name came up the other day as I was talking with a client of mine that use to know him too. She told me last she knew he never married - had a daughter - but to her knowledge wasn't seeing anyone. I know this is nuts and we're talking 20 years later - but I was thinking of calling him and saying "hi". Do you think it's crazy? It's been 20 years - but honestly - I've wondered about him off and on during those years. If anything it would be nice to sit and maybe grab some lunch and catch up....what do you all think? Think I'm way out there for considering this? I value my DS friends' opinions very much - and would appreciate your thoughts.
As always - thanks for stopping by - and hope all is well in your neck of the woods :)
Replies
You know - if nothing else - I faced a fear...which is awesome! :)
So much for the blah day! lol
fucking...cool....as...shit. what the hell am i gonna call u after your sky stops falling tho??? what about meeeee..what about MY needs!!!! rofl
lisa stole some na-ads!!! nunny nunny boo boo
Well, I thought I was growing balls - but Jane informed me I could take them from the guy with ED LOL
You go girl. Rita
Good for you, its very empowering to take the initiative and go for something you want. Try to find a little time for yourself this weekend even if its just to relax in a bubble bath. Have a blessed Mother\'s Day.