Well, I don't even have a title for today's journal - I'm having a "blah" kind of day. Sure, the weather is beautiful - I'm greatful for that. Went to see my therapist today - and when I got there the said there was a problem with my insurance - so I wasn't able to go - which really bummed me out. I really needed to talk with her - I had a list of questions, etc. that I wanted to discuss. So tomorrow I need to call my insurance company and ask what's up. The next available appt. is May 29th!!!!! So far away - I don't know if I can wait that long.
I feel lonely today. Had a busy day with appts., etc...but lately as I lay in bed at night - it's been really lonely. I'm still sleeping on "my side" of the bed. I miss having someone to share things with - like what's gone on during the day. Someone to laugh with - curl up with and just plain old cuddle. I never really had that with my ex - but had it with D - and I miss having that. I don't want someone 24/7 - just someone who I could hang out with when my kids are gone with their dad. Like a once a week - go out grab a bite - watch a movie type thing. I'm not looking for anything serious - as my time right now doesn't allow it. All my friends are married so they spend their weekends with their spouses.
The highlight of my Sat. night this week (I'm not working :( ) is probably going to Barnes and Noble - grabbing a Starbucks and browsing. I know I'm so exciting huh? hehe It is something I enjoy doing - so I guess that's what I'll be doing - I'll be Seeking Knowledge :)
Sunday is my long day from hell. As most of you know I waitress every other Sat. and trying to pick up my off ones - so I don't have to sit alone on Sat. nights. This week no one needs coverage - so I have a date with Starbucks and a book. But I'm required to work on Sunday (Mother's Day) and it's like a 10-12 hour shift running like a fool. It'll be great money - but I'll be totally wiped out. My ex drops the kids off at 7 usually - but my day probably won't end until 9 - so I had to suck up to see if he'd take them the extra 2 hours. I even told him he could come back to my place with the kids and tuck them in - and watch tv and hang out. My friends are like you know he's going to snoop. My additude is so be it if he does - and if he finds something he doesn't like - oh well he shouldn't have been snooping to begin with.
My son leaves for Maine tomorrow afternoon with the Boy Scouts to go white water rafting. He went last year and loved it - and I'm sure he'll enjoy it again. The weather is suppose to be gorgeous. I'm happy for him. So I guess it will be a girl's night for me and my daughter. I'm thinking of visiting my mom tomorrow night with her - since I won't be able to on Sunday. I think I'll get her an ice cream cake. My mom has Alzheimers. She doesn't even recognize me anymore. It will be a constant repeat over and over 'WHo are you to me?" Oh ok (will remember my name - not me per say) and ask if I'm married - and when I say no - it will be "well how's that possible' you have a child, etc. over and over again. My Dad will look at me with disappointment in his eyes as to why I'm doing this. Oh yeah, fun time - sorry don't mean to be sarcastic - just I get so down when I see them. I know they're my parents - and yes I love them - it's just that we come from such different worlds. First off - they're old enough to be my grandparents (they were 44 and 47 when they had me) and secondly they are VERY old world catholics....need I say more?
I love reading people's journals talking about the wonderful memories they had growing up with their folks and siblings. I envy that. I would have given ANYTHING to have those memories. What can you do though...All I can do is try and not repeat history with my kids. I fall into the trap sometimes - because it was so conditioned - that I catch myself - and say "hey remember..." and try and correct it.
On a different note....something I've been thinking about - as I think about my high school years, etc. There was this guy that was smitten with me - but at the time I was dating my husband. I didn't really realize he was - until I started thinking about my Senior Year in high school - and how we had the same classes - and grew close that year. His name came up the other day as I was talking with a client of mine that use to know him too. She told me last she knew he never married - had a daughter - but to her knowledge wasn't seeing anyone. I know this is nuts and we're talking 20 years later - but I was thinking of calling him and saying "hi". Do you think it's crazy? It's been 20 years - but honestly - I've wondered about him off and on during those years. If anything it would be nice to sit and maybe grab some lunch and catch up....what do you all think? Think I'm way out there for considering this? I value my DS friends' opinions very much - and would appreciate your thoughts.
As always - thanks for stopping by - and hope all is well in your neck of the woods :)
I feel lonely today. Had a busy day with appts., etc...but lately as I lay in bed at night - it's been really lonely. I'm still sleeping on "my side" of the bed. I miss having someone to share things with - like what's gone on during the day. Someone to laugh with - curl up with and just plain old cuddle. I never really had that with my ex - but had it with D - and I miss having that. I don't want someone 24/7 - just someone who I could hang out with when my kids are gone with their dad. Like a once a week - go out grab a bite - watch a movie type thing. I'm not looking for anything serious - as my time right now doesn't allow it. All my friends are married so they spend their weekends with their spouses.
The highlight of my Sat. night this week (I'm not working :( ) is probably going to Barnes and Noble - grabbing a Starbucks and browsing. I know I'm so exciting huh? hehe It is something I enjoy doing - so I guess that's what I'll be doing - I'll be Seeking Knowledge :)
Sunday is my long day from hell. As most of you know I waitress every other Sat. and trying to pick up my off ones - so I don't have to sit alone on Sat. nights. This week no one needs coverage - so I have a date with Starbucks and a book. But I'm required to work on Sunday (Mother's Day) and it's like a 10-12 hour shift running like a fool. It'll be great money - but I'll be totally wiped out. My ex drops the kids off at 7 usually - but my day probably won't end until 9 - so I had to suck up to see if he'd take them the extra 2 hours. I even told him he could come back to my place with the kids and tuck them in - and watch tv and hang out. My friends are like you know he's going to snoop. My additude is so be it if he does - and if he finds something he doesn't like - oh well he shouldn't have been snooping to begin with.
My son leaves for Maine tomorrow afternoon with the Boy Scouts to go white water rafting. He went last year and loved it - and I'm sure he'll enjoy it again. The weather is suppose to be gorgeous. I'm happy for him. So I guess it will be a girl's night for me and my daughter. I'm thinking of visiting my mom tomorrow night with her - since I won't be able to on Sunday. I think I'll get her an ice cream cake. My mom has Alzheimers. She doesn't even recognize me anymore. It will be a constant repeat over and over 'WHo are you to me?" Oh ok (will remember my name - not me per say) and ask if I'm married - and when I say no - it will be "well how's that possible' you have a child, etc. over and over again. My Dad will look at me with disappointment in his eyes as to why I'm doing this. Oh yeah, fun time - sorry don't mean to be sarcastic - just I get so down when I see them. I know they're my parents - and yes I love them - it's just that we come from such different worlds. First off - they're old enough to be my grandparents (they were 44 and 47 when they had me) and secondly they are VERY old world catholics....need I say more?
I love reading people's journals talking about the wonderful memories they had growing up with their folks and siblings. I envy that. I would have given ANYTHING to have those memories. What can you do though...All I can do is try and not repeat history with my kids. I fall into the trap sometimes - because it was so conditioned - that I catch myself - and say "hey remember..." and try and correct it.
On a different note....something I've been thinking about - as I think about my high school years, etc. There was this guy that was smitten with me - but at the time I was dating my husband. I didn't really realize he was - until I started thinking about my Senior Year in high school - and how we had the same classes - and grew close that year. His name came up the other day as I was talking with a client of mine that use to know him too. She told me last she knew he never married - had a daughter - but to her knowledge wasn't seeing anyone. I know this is nuts and we're talking 20 years later - but I was thinking of calling him and saying "hi". Do you think it's crazy? It's been 20 years - but honestly - I've wondered about him off and on during those years. If anything it would be nice to sit and maybe grab some lunch and catch up....what do you all think? Think I'm way out there for considering this? I value my DS friends' opinions very much - and would appreciate your thoughts.
As always - thanks for stopping by - and hope all is well in your neck of the woods :)
Replies
Hey now!!
I think you should pursue anything that might make you happy, just don\'t take it too seriously. Before I met my wife, I was \"playing the field\" and met up with my first infatuation, 15+ years later. She broke my heart in high school, but we had a helluva good time for a month or so!(I know you think men are pigs, just after the sex.) These are the kind of memories that can warm your heart and maybe even open new possibilities. What have you got to lose? You are not way out, what is the the harm in having coffee or dinner? See if you click & take it from there. You deserve to explore after your life of marriage! You go Girl! Lucky guy!
P.S. How were the quesadillas? The chicken salad was fabulous!
Go for it Seeking.... You\'ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain in relation to companionship. And to keep you healthy on this front, just keep checking in with us here to get feedback etc. In the meantime, Huge Hug, Tusti XX
Ok....lemme ask though - how does one go about doing this? Call up and say \"hey guess who?\" LOL I\'ve been out of the loop for 22 years - and even then I wasn\'t in the loop! LOL
Find out where he hangs, and \"plan\" a coincidental meeting. Take it from me guys love that stuff, wouldn\'t you?
I don\'t know where he hangs at all - I don\'t think he does to be perfectly honest. I come from a small town. I know he bought a house in my ex\'s old neighborhood...don\'t know much more.
I think it\'s a great idea to get back in touch with a friend from school. If the opportunity presents itself, you have things to talk about ..none of the silent treatment, right? Besides, if nothing becomes of it, friendships last forever. I think I would simply call him up, tell him you met up with an old friend and through talking about school, his name came up. You thought you\'d just say hi and see how life is treating him. Honesty always works best for me. I understand the lonliness you are experiencing. I was on my own for 15 years before I started dating again. Don\'t worry my friend. Love will find you.
xxxooo
There you go!!! Sounds like a plan Stan!!!
There you go!!! Sounds like a plan Stan!!!
Ok....I looked him up - and he\'s in the book - should I just bite the bullet?
Bite away girl! You\'ll kick yourself if you don\'t at least try.
Regret is the worst emotion, what might have been. Jump on that horse girlfriend!!!
yesssssssssssssssssssssss DO IT! I agree with Jana!!!! Honesty!!!! Theres a reason u heard this news. Go for it!!!!!
OK - I wrote my entry and it went poof when DS went down - but basically it said I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! I called him - and it went well! really good! Caught up with life - and how things were going - he was shocked but pleasantly surprised (as he put it) that I called - it was a great talk - great reminiscing about yesteryear! He has an 8 year old daughter with someone I knew from school - they\'re not together - he never married - but life seems to be treating him ok I guess. Told me he pretty much works and spends time with his daughter. Said some nice stuff - how I was so easy to talk to - and that he was shy - and said he appreciated the friendship we had - says he drives by my old house from time to time - and says I\'ve been on his mind through the years! I didn\'t elaborate too much on my thoughts of thinking of him - but told him I\'m glad I called - he agreed...asked me for my # - and asked if he could call me this weekend! I can\'t believe I had the courage to do that! INSANE LOL for me anyways!!!! But I cannot thank you all for your support and helping me have the courage to do it!!!!! Ty TY TY!!! :)
WOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I KNEW you could do it! Now hopefully you can get together face to face and re-hash old times. This is awesome, SK. Please keep me informed on how things go.
xxxooo