I miss you :(

I remember when you sent me an audio message for my birthday. You sang for me a little and played be encouraged...and I almost started crying. The only reason I didn't is because Amber and Adrian was there and I don't like crying in front of others. That was the first gift that ever really touched my heart. Nothing anybody did, said, or gave me, ever came close to touching me the way that message did. I remember Adrian and Amber saying "that's love." They said I reacted like that out of love. 
And now...I don't know what happened. You loved me and I loved you. You wanted to marry me, and I wanted to marry you. You said I was the only woman for you. You were in love with me...so what happened? And why can't I make my heart let you go? Even now, I'm holding back tears....because even after everything, I still love only you. I'm trying so hard to move on, but nobody interests me. I have a dating profile, and I'm giving guys a chance....because I need someone else to feel this hole. Without you in my life, I feel like something is missing. It honestly feels wrong. It feels like a huge mistake, not being with you. But you don't want me...and I wish you did. I wish you still loved me.
I think about you when I write to these guys on my profile. When I close my eyes, I still see your parents' and your home. I wish I didn't feel the way I do. I guess the best thing to do is acknowledge that I still love you, so I can let you go. I can't run anymore. I have to face my feelings. I need to explore why I feel how I do, and what exactly is it that I want. I really need to figure this out. Maybe this way, I can let you go.