When does it end? The fighting to live, the denial, the scars and pain, the anger......everything I feel, hide, regret....everything that has become a part of me and my story because of him, when does it end? I think about what happened to me so much that I've become numb to it. When the thought comes up, I don't react. I stuff most of my feelings so well...and I do still have some residual emotions that flare up from time to time, especially when the topic is brought up, but I've learned to hide and numb even those feelings..............I feel like a fake half the time......I don't know how I feel completely...I don't know about how I would react to it....I don't know if I could ever open that box where I stuffed all those emotions concerning my traumas in..........and they are made worse by relationships, friendships, and other people that did me wrong.............where is the safety in this world? Am I not worth a good, stable, and safe life? I got so used to pain that I began to expect it.....and when I did try and think positively, it exploded in my face and I was hurt again...............I can't even love confidently, because I know I will get hurt...........when does it end? When does it end?