I think I'm depressed. I just ate some candy, don't feel like eating, but I'm a little hungry. My stomach was growling....and when I get to work, I don't want my stomach growling around the kids. I little energy.....and I feel like I'm just floating around.....
I came to the realization that sometimes life sucks, and there's nothing you can do about it. You just have to keep moving forward. Even if everyone else gets to be happy and you don't, it isn't their fault. Even if you never find happiness, it isn't anyone's fault. Things happen and people change. Commitments are broken and it isn't anyone's fault. I used to question if I was a good person or a bad person that tries to do good things. But it doesn't matter either way. Bad things sometimes happen to good people.....the way your life goes has nothing to do with whether you are bad or good....life isn't fair. It's just life. There is no fairness....there is no such thing as fairness...there's only chance. There's a chance things will work out and a chance things wont. There is nothing fair about chance. 
I'm starting to feel sick. I'm so upset that I'm starting to feel sick. I want to talk to my ex so bad right now.....the phone is right beside me.....I want to hear his voice so badly.....but he belongs to someone else now...He wasn't my first love...he wasn't my first boyfriend after my rape...but he was the first man I fell in love with and we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together....and I don't know why I still love him. It's making me sick...literally...