I'm trusting in God and being patient and waiting for things to work out, finally, between me and my ex - who God has kept in my life throughout the years, told me to be patient with (once 2 years ago, and once the other day), and has countless times, put on my heart and in my spirit that he was the one I was supposed to marry. I struggled with the whole "patience" thing, and and was so hurt at one time, that even though I felt in my spirit he was my husband, I told God NO! I told Him that I would rather be alone than get back with Lionel. I struggled, but always came back. I always tried to fix us.......it was so hard sitting back and waiting......and now he's with another girl. I couldn't handle all the emotion I felt after finding out that he was dating another girl.....and I wanted to kill myself......and was deeply depressed....and finally got to the point where I got angry with God. God told me to be patient and told me that Lionel was my husband, and but Lionel said he loves Kierra........and I couldn't take it. I started  cussing (and I don't cuss) and I almost completely numbed all my feelings.....and as I was still numbing my feelings and being angry and stuff, I felt in the spirit "still be patient" or either God said "be patient still" and He put in my spirit that thing will work out between us.
I don't care about anybody but me now.....but over the past 2 days, I decided to trust in what God told me....I will be patient....and I believe me and Lionel will get married.....
I have to go to class, I'm 5 minutes late...but I will post another journal afterwards, finishing up this crazy story....