I'm really trying my best through...everything.
My roommate is pregnant. I feel some kind of way. I'm happy for her, I hope she isn't hurting or scared. She has so much support. But my emotions are a bit heightened, and I want to cry a little. I don't know if I'm subconsciously picking up some kind of feeling from her or what. Maybe I just care about her, I mean she is my friend. I don't know what's up with these heightened emotions....I've always felt for other people, and maybe that's what's going on...oh well.
I was struggling with the fact that my ex is over me and have moved on. Now, I went back to not eating. I want to go back to how I used to be, at least the good parts. I decided to still eat a little, but I am going to start skipping meals and stuff. Also, I am going to start exercising. After my recital, I'm going to start some time then, so that's next week....or at least only if it's warm. The weather's been very warm, but I heard that it may cool down again. I hope not. I hope it just keeps getting warmer.
I think I'm stuffing my feelings. It feels like something is stuck in my throat right now. I don't know if it's emotion from suppressed feelings, or if it's from something spiritual, or what. I almost feel like crying....on top of that, I'm listening to "What Now" by Rihanna.....maybe that's part of it.
I don't know how Im feeling. I want to go back to how I once was, but at the same time I want to grow and be better. Somehow, I'm trying to do both, but I don't think it's in a healthy way........I'm not going to stop restricting my diet though. As long as I'm eating something, it doesn't matter. I'm trying to stay under 300 calories if possible. I had an orange, a little watermelon, a yogurt (60 cals), a few grapes, and I'm eating another yogurt now. I can barely eat the yogurt. I feel like I've eaten way too much. I hope it was under 300 calories, but I feel like it was more like 500 cals or something...Idk.
Whatever. Oh well, this was my rant for today :)
*PS...I ended up eating a small piece of chicken....it was a rotisserie chicken, and I ate one wing with BBQ sauce.......It had the skin still on too....I tried to leave some meat left off when I picked the wing off the chicken, but still...It felt like a lot, and I regret eating it..........I hope I'm under 300 calories....if not, I need to do better tomorrow.
My roommate is pregnant. I feel some kind of way. I'm happy for her, I hope she isn't hurting or scared. She has so much support. But my emotions are a bit heightened, and I want to cry a little. I don't know if I'm subconsciously picking up some kind of feeling from her or what. Maybe I just care about her, I mean she is my friend. I don't know what's up with these heightened emotions....I've always felt for other people, and maybe that's what's going on...oh well.
I was struggling with the fact that my ex is over me and have moved on. Now, I went back to not eating. I want to go back to how I used to be, at least the good parts. I decided to still eat a little, but I am going to start skipping meals and stuff. Also, I am going to start exercising. After my recital, I'm going to start some time then, so that's next week....or at least only if it's warm. The weather's been very warm, but I heard that it may cool down again. I hope not. I hope it just keeps getting warmer.
I think I'm stuffing my feelings. It feels like something is stuck in my throat right now. I don't know if it's emotion from suppressed feelings, or if it's from something spiritual, or what. I almost feel like crying....on top of that, I'm listening to "What Now" by Rihanna.....maybe that's part of it.
I don't know how Im feeling. I want to go back to how I once was, but at the same time I want to grow and be better. Somehow, I'm trying to do both, but I don't think it's in a healthy way........I'm not going to stop restricting my diet though. As long as I'm eating something, it doesn't matter. I'm trying to stay under 300 calories if possible. I had an orange, a little watermelon, a yogurt (60 cals), a few grapes, and I'm eating another yogurt now. I can barely eat the yogurt. I feel like I've eaten way too much. I hope it was under 300 calories, but I feel like it was more like 500 cals or something...Idk.
Whatever. Oh well, this was my rant for today :)
*PS...I ended up eating a small piece of chicken....it was a rotisserie chicken, and I ate one wing with BBQ sauce.......It had the skin still on too....I tried to leave some meat left off when I picked the wing off the chicken, but still...It felt like a lot, and I regret eating it..........I hope I'm under 300 calories....if not, I need to do better tomorrow.
Replies