Update

I've been doing good. I don't talk to my ex most of the time......actually, I don't talk much. I speak to my family more. I have friends, but I feel like their all just temporary......like associates. Even my best friends aren't my best friends. Do I have friends? I don't date or talk to guys in that way. I feel like I'm struggling to stay social and not just become completely anti social. I'm trying to do better in school...trying to practice more...........I'm still fat. I've tried losing weight in a healthy way, and it's working slowly, but I want to lose it now.I'm tired of being fat and ugly. I wish it would all melt away.....I wish it was a way I could cut it out of me. I hate fat. I hate it from the bottom of my soul. 
I'm going back to eating less and less until it goes away. I wont completely starve myself, and I I'll keep it up, so that I don't gain weight instead (which happens if you don't eat for a while then start back eating more normal). Also, I will exercise more. And to keep my mind off food, I'll practice more. This will help me in school to. So exercise and homework will keep me from thinking about food. I will start getting up earlier so I can work out....or walk...or something. I want to be at the most, a size 12 by December...really, I pray I can make it to a 10....
I'm going to get to my best. I will. I am determined.