random thoughts

I can't talk about it anymore. I know others who have been through their share of pain, and all I can say whenever my issues come up is, I've been through a lot. I feel like I'm hiding from everything that has happened to me. Honestly, I do wish it would all go away...but it wont. I do need to talk to a counselor, but I can't bring myself to make an appointment. I can see one for free at my school, but I just keep pretending everything's fine. Overall, I am better. However, when stressed, emotions start to rise up that I can't handle, and I hide them. 
Right now...I feel like hiding. I don't want anybody to get too close....and I don't want to try too hard. I think I am still scared to live at my fullest potential. It kills me to be this way, yet, at the same time, it's so difficult to even think of being different than how I am now. Why did I turn out like this? 
I want to be my best! I want to tell my story! I want to live my life to the fullest! And still, there is also a part of me that hides, and feels that's what is best. It's best because it's the only way I wont get hurt........and it's so funny because being this way is hurting me, HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! The irony is too much, LOL!!!!! 
When will things change for me...?