alone

Been so long since I wrote, I think I've avoided doing so and coming here because I wanted to avoid the tears, seems when I come here and write, read posts or recieve kind words and support which lately I do not recieve in my personal life , I cry, kind words ,, those are few and far between , even now its hard to be here, I dont want the floodgates to open , I dont want to face the reality that my life has been a sham, I want to just take care of my dogs , for my husband to leave me be in peace, for he will never have compassion or kindness in his heart, very self centered and takes no responsibilty for his actions, but those are his issues not mine though his mean streak does affect me emotionally..I can deal with that..have for quite some time, should have listened to that inner voice that said dont let anyone in...and I did,I dont sit and cry, do anything I can to please him , I think hes bi-polar , and now understand why any relationships hes had in the past would last only 3 years...how smart those woman were to runnnnnnn.....I didnt, I was going to make the difference in his life, same old song and dance, now I want to dance alone, after this ...No dance partner for me !!!!