What to do..?
Hi there,
It's been a while I know. Now in my third and final trimester, my little angel will be with us in approximately eleven weeks! Unfortunately she may never have an auntie, or know her Nana...but that is their choice.
Since the police went round to my parents' house to request my stepfather speak with them, I have had no contact with my family, except excuses from my mother as to why she isn't coming round. She hasn't told me she is p*ssed at me for doing what I have done...but she told me she was ill on the Saturday, but was drinking and socialising with my sister on the Sunday...also her car (which had it's MOT maybe last month) is in the garage needing repairs and a part that has taken, so far, two weeks to come in. I am expecting a flood, fire or plague of locusts to stop her next week...
I'm in a bit of a dilemma now though, before all of this, my grandparents invited my daughter and me to their wedding anniversary party...this is next Saturday. I doubt I will be welcome, but no one has told me NOT to go. No one has uninvited me...But if I go, will I be asked to leave? Will they be awkward around my daughter and me? Worse still, will they have decided to invite HIM assuming I wouldn't be coming?!
And if the invitation hasn't been rescinded...do I want to put myself through that? The whispering gossip, the stand offish behaviour, the awkward silences and stares? The quiet loathing coming at me from all but two of the guests?
It seems like a stupid idea....but if I don't go...will they assume it is the shame of them knowing I reported? That I can't face them thanks to my "trouble making ways"? I don't want to be pushed out of my family...but they have made me feel unwelcome by ignoring my calls and texts...
They told me they believed me and supported me, right up until I did something about it...did they expect me to just let him roam unchallenged?!
He has already changed his story from what he told my mother and grandparents...I am hoping they pick up on the discrepancy, that they realise the lie he told. At the moment my family see me as the girl who cried wolf...If only they could see the predator amongst the flock. But they are too stupid and woolly headed to see the danger, so ready to believe the lies dripping from his silver tongue.
I wouldn't mind...but they don't even LIKE him. The number of times I have heard them whispering together about his prickly attitude, his tendency to drink, his overly familiar behaviour making them uncomfortable. One of my aunts even told me to "save" my younger female cousin form him at a wedding. Deep down, I think they know. But it was easier when his less than desirable nature was just something they could discreetly point and laugh at. Now it is something big and ugly and potentially dangerous.
I was asked if I felt worried about him coming round here once the police got involved. I said no as he has never been to this house or seen where it is...but if my mother were to tell him...then yes I would be scared. If I have to pass him in town...I would be scared. He is a passive aggressive...until he has had a drink. If I saw him and I was with my husband...it would likely be fine. But if I were alone...I don't know. I keep my doors firmly locked on a night. I beg my husband to do the same when he is home, but he often forgets.
My husband is struggling at the moment. With everything going on and with my pregnancy...I have been less than interested in him. He gets sulky and stroppy. I have told him that if he is nice to me and interacts with me then it may change my mood...but he doesn't like the idea of work when for quite a while it wasn't needed. I have made him lazy. He has told me before that he likes affection leading up to...more. But if I suggest it the other way round he gets sulky and stroppy again, like a teenager. I feel guilty because I don't want him to feel neglected...but at the same time, I don't want to see doing things with him as a chore...and at the moment, it seems to be all he thinks about. Some of it is because it is very uncomfortable for me, both in terms of my joints being more than a little buggered by the pregnancy, so moving about is painful, but also, because there is the weight of a baby pushing down on everything...it just isn't enjoyable for me at the moment...and the things I DO find enjoyable, he can't be bothered with because "it takes too long".
Yes, I take forever to relax and enjoy anything, but I attribute that to what happened to me. It used to be that I couldn't relax enough to enjoy anything on my own. It took me until I was eighteen to figure out that my body DID know what an orgasm was (tmi and I'm sorry!) It took another ten years for me to trust someone else enough to relax and enjoy what they were doing to me. I have had a number of boyfriends complain that I was difficult...that I took longer than anybody else. My husband being one of them. He tells me all the time that it was easier to achieve the end result with his ex girlfriend (because THAT will help me relax and enjoy...thanks hubby) Deep down...I still see sex as something for other people. I still agree to things because I know he will enjoy it. And everytime I try to talk to him about what I enjoy...he sees it as an attack and gets in a mood and ignores me...
Hmmm this entry went somewhere I didn't expect...I'll stop now...this post is far too long.
It's been a while I know. Now in my third and final trimester, my little angel will be with us in approximately eleven weeks! Unfortunately she may never have an auntie, or know her Nana...but that is their choice.
Since the police went round to my parents' house to request my stepfather speak with them, I have had no contact with my family, except excuses from my mother as to why she isn't coming round. She hasn't told me she is p*ssed at me for doing what I have done...but she told me she was ill on the Saturday, but was drinking and socialising with my sister on the Sunday...also her car (which had it's MOT maybe last month) is in the garage needing repairs and a part that has taken, so far, two weeks to come in. I am expecting a flood, fire or plague of locusts to stop her next week...
I'm in a bit of a dilemma now though, before all of this, my grandparents invited my daughter and me to their wedding anniversary party...this is next Saturday. I doubt I will be welcome, but no one has told me NOT to go. No one has uninvited me...But if I go, will I be asked to leave? Will they be awkward around my daughter and me? Worse still, will they have decided to invite HIM assuming I wouldn't be coming?!
And if the invitation hasn't been rescinded...do I want to put myself through that? The whispering gossip, the stand offish behaviour, the awkward silences and stares? The quiet loathing coming at me from all but two of the guests?
It seems like a stupid idea....but if I don't go...will they assume it is the shame of them knowing I reported? That I can't face them thanks to my "trouble making ways"? I don't want to be pushed out of my family...but they have made me feel unwelcome by ignoring my calls and texts...
They told me they believed me and supported me, right up until I did something about it...did they expect me to just let him roam unchallenged?!
He has already changed his story from what he told my mother and grandparents...I am hoping they pick up on the discrepancy, that they realise the lie he told. At the moment my family see me as the girl who cried wolf...If only they could see the predator amongst the flock. But they are too stupid and woolly headed to see the danger, so ready to believe the lies dripping from his silver tongue.
I wouldn't mind...but they don't even LIKE him. The number of times I have heard them whispering together about his prickly attitude, his tendency to drink, his overly familiar behaviour making them uncomfortable. One of my aunts even told me to "save" my younger female cousin form him at a wedding. Deep down, I think they know. But it was easier when his less than desirable nature was just something they could discreetly point and laugh at. Now it is something big and ugly and potentially dangerous.
I was asked if I felt worried about him coming round here once the police got involved. I said no as he has never been to this house or seen where it is...but if my mother were to tell him...then yes I would be scared. If I have to pass him in town...I would be scared. He is a passive aggressive...until he has had a drink. If I saw him and I was with my husband...it would likely be fine. But if I were alone...I don't know. I keep my doors firmly locked on a night. I beg my husband to do the same when he is home, but he often forgets.
My husband is struggling at the moment. With everything going on and with my pregnancy...I have been less than interested in him. He gets sulky and stroppy. I have told him that if he is nice to me and interacts with me then it may change my mood...but he doesn't like the idea of work when for quite a while it wasn't needed. I have made him lazy. He has told me before that he likes affection leading up to...more. But if I suggest it the other way round he gets sulky and stroppy again, like a teenager. I feel guilty because I don't want him to feel neglected...but at the same time, I don't want to see doing things with him as a chore...and at the moment, it seems to be all he thinks about. Some of it is because it is very uncomfortable for me, both in terms of my joints being more than a little buggered by the pregnancy, so moving about is painful, but also, because there is the weight of a baby pushing down on everything...it just isn't enjoyable for me at the moment...and the things I DO find enjoyable, he can't be bothered with because "it takes too long".
Yes, I take forever to relax and enjoy anything, but I attribute that to what happened to me. It used to be that I couldn't relax enough to enjoy anything on my own. It took me until I was eighteen to figure out that my body DID know what an orgasm was (tmi and I'm sorry!) It took another ten years for me to trust someone else enough to relax and enjoy what they were doing to me. I have had a number of boyfriends complain that I was difficult...that I took longer than anybody else. My husband being one of them. He tells me all the time that it was easier to achieve the end result with his ex girlfriend (because THAT will help me relax and enjoy...thanks hubby) Deep down...I still see sex as something for other people. I still agree to things because I know he will enjoy it. And everytime I try to talk to him about what I enjoy...he sees it as an attack and gets in a mood and ignores me...
Hmmm this entry went somewhere I didn't expect...I'll stop now...this post is far too long.
Replies
There\'s a lot of ground covered in that journal entry!
About the grandparents\' party... My first question is why did they invite you and your daughter? Did they not invite your husband, and if not, why not? Because I would think it would be important to have him there for support. My second question is, do you even want to go? I wouldn\'t worry about people\'s thoughts or interpretations about whether you go or not - as my guru\'s guru used to say, \"Let the dogs bark\". Go if you want to, don\'t if you don\'t. I will say that if your grandparents were particularly concerned, given all that is going on, they might have called you to renew the invitation. Don\'t take full responsibility here - some of these other adults are perfectly capable of reaching out to you!
Your husband is another story ... He sounds a bit selfish and needy. Or maybe just insecure. I am sorry he\'s not able to be more of a support for you. Then again, who knows what\'s going on with him through all this? How he is reacting to having a second child? I strongly urge you to open up more communication with him. I HOPE he will be able to share some of his own feelings, and that by doing so he will be able to be more giving and supportive with you. The two of you have a chance to grow together. Challenge him to rise to the occasion as a mature man by treating him as a mature adult, capable of honest communication, capable giving and taking. If that\'s too unfamiliar territory, start nudging the relationship in that direction. If you treat him like a spoiled boy or a slightly dull one that\'s all he\'ll ever be!
My hubby works nights and they knew he wouldn\'t be available. They hadn\'t extended the invite to my stepfather as they wanted me and Amy there. To be honest...it would be nice to see my aunt and uncle that are supporting me, but I can\'t face the rest.
My hubby is dubious about a second child, but is excited at the same time, especially as Amy has become more of a daddy\'s girl lately (I do cringe saying that, I mean it innocently). I have tried on numerous occasions to talk to him but he puts walls up very quickly. He has ADHD and developmentally is still a teenager. I knew this going in and wouldn\'t change my decision for anything, but because I have been the grown up and the supportive one suddenly switching on him and needing the support has left his head spinning I guess. He doesn\'t like talking about anything because he can\'t do anything. He wants to scream and shout at them and tell my family how unfair they are being. And can\'t. He\'s a knee jerk reaction guy. And I\'m babbling...again!
You are not babbling. You always think you\'re babbling when you express dissatisfaction with your husband! But you have a kind of difficult situation to deal with there. Let\'s just acknowledge it\'s hard!
What you can probably do for him is tell him how he can help you and when he\'s done something helpful tell him how helpful he\'s been. And come here for extra support - we can always listen.
If you want to see a rambling fool, read some of my stuff... At least you have a point..
I\'m weary of you going to the party. Might be saying he\'s not invited, only to get you there and *poof* there he is... Not sure what to think really. And besides, you can ask your favorite aunt/uncle over either to your place, or the local park, dinner, playground, etc...
There are oodles if non party locations that you guys can safely get together without anyone else around!!
(I know about family parties minus most of the family!! That part gets easier at tine goes... Though we are still worried once in a while of if \'they\' are going to show up...)
See more rambling!! Your not alone in this!!
About hubby, not sure what\'s happening there...
You said you were preg, my only thought is maybe pregnant ladies isn\'t his sexual excitement (sorry, trying to be polite) but once baby comes around, he might try to make up for lost time !!
With me when my wife was pregnant I couldn\'t keep my hands off her ( always had thing for pregnant women, and since we were married, she was the first one that I really ever wanted to touch !! )
Gee off topic again... Sorry
The problem for my husband and me is that I\'m not interested. He\'s asking quite frequently if he can have certain things and I just don\'t want to because it\'s either uncomfortable for me or because I feel yucky about what is going on in life at the moment. He also doesn\'t realise that a little bit of foreplay would go a long way to turning my mood around, even something as simple as a kiss would do it, but he expects for me to go from \"cold\" to \"Wahey\" in 0 seconds. Sorry for the crudeness!