i feel like i am spireling down this pit of depression. I know it was not my fault. I know it was not my fault. I know it was not my fault. I can say it a million times or untile i'm blue in the face. i still dont belive it!!! why didnt i run? being lost for a few hours would have been better than what actually happened. why didnt i run? i just stayed and did as i was told. He didnt even have to hit me. Just get me lost and make me afraid of a bunch of pigs, and i did as i was told. Even after the trust was broken i still trusted that he would show me the way home. why would i do that? why? I feel stupid. easily controlled. shamfull. numb