Why?

I have so many unanswered questions about my illness(es); the most prominent one being, "Why?"

Why am I afraid to leave my house, when there is nothing I love more than being social, going to events, going shopping and having outdoor adventures?

Why do I have panic attacks when I am surrounded by people who love me, and whom I love in return?

Why do I shake and cry uncontrollablly when I have nothing to fear?

Why do I get so anxious, stressed and overstimulated that I want to punch walls and kick cars just to get the negative energy out of my body?

Why have these things gotten worse over the years?

Why can't I control it?

Why haven't I learned the coping skills to manage my panic attacks so that I can lead a normal life?

Why doesn't anyone help me, even though I have spent my whole life helping others?

Why don't the doctors help me? (I thought that was what my insurance was paying them for)

WHY?

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Hey gal :)) Err.. Ditto to everything u wrote! Panic being ma worst demon..
When I got dx, prob even b4, I was on a mission to gather all information, educate myself n beat this BP!
2 years later n at the time no change n still no reason.. I made a conscientious decision to stop looking for reasons, just accept it for what it is..
The day I stopped fighting it, I started to reluctantly accept.. Then I started to heal :))
Nothing can take u back to b4! Try n accept it honey, chat about it with yr friends.. I know u feel sub-concientous initially, but u find when u start talking, loads of crap comes out n u cant stop! It really is a problem shared..
My mum has a saying.. The Lord made the back to bear.. In otherwords u r tough little lady n u can take it, u r strong!! I know u dont feel it right now, but it will return when they get the meds right..
Dont get disillusioned, but they r just getting my meds right, inabout 3 yrs!! But I have learnt every step of the way, n it is a valuable lesson :))
(((BIG HUGS))) of strength ma new friend :)) xxx
I`d like to chat panic coping mechanisms with u as n when.. See if u got any I aint tried! Peace gal :)) xxx
deleted_user
deleted_user

\"THEY\" have stopped trying meds. \"THEY\" have given up on me. My only choice: to let \"THEM\" shock my deterriorating brain, OR let the illness run it\'s course, destroying everything I love in it\'s path. I have lost my mind. I have little hope that I will ever find it again.