Why?

I have so many unanswered questions about my illness(es); the most prominent one being, "Why?"

Why am I afraid to leave my house, when there is nothing I love more than being social, going to events, going shopping and having outdoor adventures?

Why do I have panic attacks when I am surrounded by people who love me, and whom I love in return?

Why do I shake and cry uncontrollablly when I have nothing to fear?

Why do I get so anxious, stressed and overstimulated that I want to punch walls and kick cars just to get the negative energy out of my body?

Why have these things gotten worse over the years?

Why can't I control it?

Why haven't I learned the coping skills to manage my panic attacks so that I can lead a normal life?

Why doesn't anyone help me, even though I have spent my whole life helping others?

Why don't the doctors help me? (I thought that was what my insurance was paying them for)

WHY?