It's Over

Well, he dumped me.
Despite his tears when I asked if he wanted to break up a month ago and him having me over to his grandparents' for Christmas, he never had feelings for me.
I knew it was too good to be true.  This is why I never date good-looking people.  They aren't grateful for what they have.  Yes, I'm fat.  I'm awkward, odd, difficult, stubborn, and scary smart.  But I also cooked for him, cleaned for him, helped him with his paperwork, stayed late at school with him to help him...  I was so loving and caring and supportive.  I wish he saw that he was lucky to have me.  I wish he wasn't stupid and selfish in the end.  
I wish a lot of things.  
Sadly, now, I don't even have the option of looking elsewhere.  The pain is so great I've had mild cardiac events and I need to lose weight before I go on.  Well, that'll be tough.  I still need my ice cream.  And lots of painkillers...  
I miss his touch.  I miss his arms around me, comforting, tender, strong.  I miss his soft, moist lips against mine, hungry for more.  I miss the weight of him, the reality of him, in my arms.  I miss his smell.  I miss his laugh, his smile, his sparkling eyes.  I miss him.  
But it's over now.  And all my dreams are gone with him.
My first Valentine's Day, with a candlelit dinner, a card, and dancing in the kitchen.
A snowball fight.
Teaching me to rollerblade.
Bowling.
Cuddling under the stars.
Chicken fights in the pool.
Tickling to old comedies.
His hand on mine at Pesach.
A real anniversary together.
Walking down the stairs in a gown, and the look on his face when he sees me.
Praying and reading the Bible together.
Kissing under a snowfall.
And most of all, a black-haired little boy bumping his head while playing dinosaur, and crying inconsolably until his daddy comes to hold him.
But that future is not to be, and it's time I let go of it.  The grief is too great for me to bear.  It'll kill me in the end.  It's over now.  It's all over.