Praise God!!!!Hey it`s another morning! Once again, im going to make it my day! Yesterday was great! I worked out for the first time in over a month. I did`nt realize how out of shape I am! LOLI sparred for 3 rounds and I was dead tired! Got a fat lip, but that felt great! I can usually go 12 rounds but OMG!, I was huffing and puffing, and my muscles were freezing up on me! But im happy that I can still roll even while out of shape. I grappled six five minute rounds and tapped out my partner every round. But it`s my specialty so not much there. Im paying for it today though. It feels like every single muscle in my body is cramping up. Well, not every muscle, but it sure does feel like it. Heck! I got cramps on my cramps! LOL Although, yesterday was good, lastnight for some reason, I felt very lonely. Why? I dont know?The depression was starting to slowly set in at around 7:30pm. I reached for my knife alot, but I was able to win the battle! All the while, there was atleast 30 members of my family outside having prayer for my uncle who passed away on tuesday.I also had an aunt pass away the tuesday before. It sucks. But Ijust could`nt bring myself to leave my cave. Especially with my arm all cut up. There`s a family party tomorrow for another uncle at our church, but i cant bring myself to go. I cant let my pastor see me like this. Yeah, it`s times like this, is what he`s there for... he`s always been there for me, but I dont want to burden him because this has happened so often. Yeah lastnight was lonely for me, but I did pass the time away by watching a couple of horror movies. But then my insomnia kicked in, and I still have`nt slept.I love horror movies because everyone in it, has it worse than me! LOLAlthough living with my depression, anxiety and self harm fells like im living with a monster inside of me, atleast I dont have to physicly run! hahaha I think im going to make friends today.Im going to turn on my Yahoo messenger, login under my old screen name and see if anyone remembers me. It`s been almost 2 years! I had so many friends on there but I ran away.   It`s a bright sunny day, i can hear the waves pounding on the shore, and im hungry. I need chocolate :)