I feel lethargic even after a good night's sleep. When I get up, I begin the day with an anxiety attack and promise myself I will not think one thought until i have some orange juice and coffee in my stomach.  Then the intrusive thought insinuates itself once again.  
Yesterday in the middle of the day, I had to cancel all my working appointments in order to take a mental health afternoon. It was rainy, dark and flooding yesterday, and I became afraid to drive.  I would like to go to the hospital but I need to work, so I will. Then, afterwords, I will come home to a chronically single, lonely home, no hugs, no questions about the day, no dinner, and no sharing a meal.
I hate this and it has been going on for decades.  I am unable to find my way out of the CPTSD that goes on still, even after almost 30 years. Today it seems like an endless maze of exhaustion, loneliness, and even tears. I am beginning to be frantic about getting out of this pain.