One day at a time
Today I am coming from a place deep within my soul.
I have tried and failed, tried and failed, continued to read books, join organisations and tried desperately to help myself out of my mess.
Today I wrote a Dear John letter to an online casino, that successfully helped me to give them my salary, bonuses, loans, loans and more loans for more than 3 years. Where on earth did all that money come from? Holy shit, I could have, should have, wanted to, tried, perhaps I.
Oh nevermind. Let the past live there, while I heal here, right now. I want to heal, God knows. So today, I stand up and answered 19 yeses out of 20 from the GA, and I acknowledge that I am a compulsive gambler.
I say this conviction! Am I supposed to be proud of this achievement? Does it place me in a hall of honours? In a trophy cabinet? I want to be at peace, with myself, the world and every being on it. So I ask you God in front of my friends that read this...please hold my hand, now and in the future. I submit myself to you and your Grace and Abundance. Your light will heal me and all others like me. I accept my situation. I accept the outcome. I accept the debt. I accept that I am a warrior! A fighter! Your soldier! *Crying now*...
Reading Allen Carr's book: The Easy way to Stop Gambling. Awesome book! "Everytime we win, it makes winning seem more possible in future. Every time we lose, it makes gambling seem more necessary to cover our losses."
I choose to take it one day at a time. I will breathe listen, and when I stop listening, not crucify myself, but pick up the reigns and keep at it. Another day at a time until all this is just a blur and I know that I will be a winner without gambling. I mean wtf, are we waiting for charity handouts by giving our money away to escape from a prison that we create? We are better than that. I accept myself, my hundreds of faults, my imperfect beautiful body, my loving unconditional heart. Today thats more than I could ever ask for...
I have tried and failed, tried and failed, continued to read books, join organisations and tried desperately to help myself out of my mess.
Today I wrote a Dear John letter to an online casino, that successfully helped me to give them my salary, bonuses, loans, loans and more loans for more than 3 years. Where on earth did all that money come from? Holy shit, I could have, should have, wanted to, tried, perhaps I.
Oh nevermind. Let the past live there, while I heal here, right now. I want to heal, God knows. So today, I stand up and answered 19 yeses out of 20 from the GA, and I acknowledge that I am a compulsive gambler.
I say this conviction! Am I supposed to be proud of this achievement? Does it place me in a hall of honours? In a trophy cabinet? I want to be at peace, with myself, the world and every being on it. So I ask you God in front of my friends that read this...please hold my hand, now and in the future. I submit myself to you and your Grace and Abundance. Your light will heal me and all others like me. I accept my situation. I accept the outcome. I accept the debt. I accept that I am a warrior! A fighter! Your soldier! *Crying now*...
Reading Allen Carr's book: The Easy way to Stop Gambling. Awesome book! "Everytime we win, it makes winning seem more possible in future. Every time we lose, it makes gambling seem more necessary to cover our losses."
I choose to take it one day at a time. I will breathe listen, and when I stop listening, not crucify myself, but pick up the reigns and keep at it. Another day at a time until all this is just a blur and I know that I will be a winner without gambling. I mean wtf, are we waiting for charity handouts by giving our money away to escape from a prison that we create? We are better than that. I accept myself, my hundreds of faults, my imperfect beautiful body, my loving unconditional heart. Today thats more than I could ever ask for...
Replies
what a beautiful journal entry. you have my prayers and support, and I beg of you to continue praying for me, and others, too! God bless you!
We are prisoners of our own device. Only thing is we were trying to escape from our harsh realities. The bigger the gambler, the bigger the hurt we are tryingbto hide on the inside. May we all walk hand in hand even though we dont meet. May we not dictate to each other, but listen, really listen, and pray for our salvation. We are not alone and I am so grateful for this group