6/24/21

Copy of email sent to Heather today; didn't feel like writing another journal since I pretty much already said it all here 

 

After I saw your comment this morning I looked on PsychologyToday for some therapists nearby who specialize in anxiety and trauma and was able to find some promising people. I sent messages to four of them and a few have gotten back. It'll probably be phone therapy again but I'm ready to try again at this point. You're right. My lows are so low it's really not acceptable. 

 

I also looked into a service called Cerebral that my mentor recommended to me a long time ago. When I asked my mentor about it again I mentioned that I was in crisis and he offered to get boba together this weekend. We quite literally haven't seen each other in years, though we occasionally talk over social media and I feel comfortable asking him school/career questions. That was nice of him. 

 

I had pretty bad anxiety before work today. But once I got into it almost all of it vanished. I find that I fall into my customer service role pretty easily, though I can definitely get better at it. I put on a customer service voice and am able to talk to customers without feeling too shy. I communicate with my coworkers and make small talk. I feel like a normal, productive person. I drive to work and drive home after work now (my parents still have to sit there because I don't have my license) and I had a six hour shift today. I'm starting to feel like an adult. It's a nice, reassuring feeling. 

 

I feel pretty exhausted now though, and I have homework due tomorrow plus another 6 and a half hour shift until 9pm. It's our semi annual sale this week! I'm getting scheduled like crazy. It's nice to have something to structure my day, and very nice to make my own money, but I'm not entirely used to these hours and what they do to my head and my FEET. God I actually walked 5 miles today just around the store. Luckily on Saturday I only have a four hour evening shift and then I get to rest until Tuesday, and I have an easier week next week. My ankles are hurting though. I hope they can heal a bit before my shift tomorrow. I'm going to say screw the dress code and just wear sneakers. On my first shift I tried to wear flats and I came home to find my heels bleeding and it was not pretty.

 

When it comes to art I'm going to keep my commissions open. I've been able to make a bit of money just from getting commissioned by friends and actually by a voice actor too. I think if I continue to draw and post as I am now I'll actually start to get commissions from people on social media. Other than that I can probably make money off selling stickers and the like on Redbubble (I only provide the art, they produce and ship so it's easy for me). If I ever somehow get more famous on social media maybe I can sell prints and stuff too. I'm not opposed at all to keeping that as a side job/hobby while I'm in college, if I can maintain it.