6 1/2 months

My love has been gone for 6 1/2 months. It isn't easier , its painful. I miss him terribly. I am in limbo it seems. I dream of him leaving me, I dream of papers flying all around me, I don't sleep more than 3-4 hours a night. I wake up crying more than I thought I would at this point. This is life changing and I don't want it to change. It's horrible, I wish it was last year. I want to be stuck in time. I want to go back to the way it was. God took my love from me and his children early. People say its because his time was done on this earth and he was called to do more with God, he is now an angel and needs to do what he needs to with Him and not us. I'm jealous of God. I don't show my emotional state as much as I used to in public. People get tired of you always talking about your love for him and how much you miss him. I have to see fb posts of my friend's husbands coming home from deployments and how happy they are. My man is on a permanent deployment with God. He needed him more than the military did, more than I did, more than his dear teenage children did, more than his mother and father did.  Sorry for my venting . I just needed to. I miss him.