Journey
My due date is past. My first real period started right afterwards. The bleeding that hadn't stopped for 5+ months finally ended. I could tell the period was different, it was that old familiar feeling. I haven't bled at all for 8 straight days. I have no idea what will happen next. Will I have a normal cycle? Ovulate? How long will my cycles be? It seems like there's some meaning in the timing of this new phase coming right after the due date.
I'm trying to follow along as best I can. I'm using opks, charting, taking temperatures, a microscope. The tests have been disappointing. I had stronger lines while bleeding than I've seen since. I saw ferning while on my period but nothing since. But my body signs are telling me I may have ovulated yesterday....now I have to see if my temps go up.... I feel like I'm already on the tww. But I have to remind myself not to get too excited. For all I know, I could start bleeding again tonight, or in a couple days, or not for months. Or maybe it won't stop again when it starts - that's the number one fear. After all this time, I can't take anything for granted. After the last months, I have to take getting a period as a big win. But I keep thinking about it as though this will be a normal cycle... maybe I'm pregnant already... really shouldn't think like that.
I'm trying so hard to be pregnant, but in a way I just finished my first one. I feel like maybe I should take a break, but I also feel like I can't miss a chance. I'm so tired from all the sadness, all the tests. I've gone straight from the daily disappointment that I was still bleeding to daily checking for ovulation. I know I will want all this data, especially if I don't fall right back into normal cycles, but I may be setting myself up for lots of tww disappointments. I suppose I'll be disappointed by periods anyway, better to give myself the best chances.
I wish I was younger and felt like I had more time. We could use a little honeymoon after all this. But I'll be 32 in a few weeks and I always wanted to have 3 kids. Seems greedy now. But you have to keep working towards your dreams.
I just found out yet another friend is pregnant. Sigh. You want to be happy. You know you would have been once. Something about this one...maybe because it's the first pregnancy I learned about after passing my due date...I feel a little like she got my pregnancy. I haven't felt like that with any other pregnancies ...Hope it doesn't become a thing for me ... this cheated feeling...such an ugly feeling.
I miss the old me, but how can you be the same person after all this?
I'm trying to follow along as best I can. I'm using opks, charting, taking temperatures, a microscope. The tests have been disappointing. I had stronger lines while bleeding than I've seen since. I saw ferning while on my period but nothing since. But my body signs are telling me I may have ovulated yesterday....now I have to see if my temps go up.... I feel like I'm already on the tww. But I have to remind myself not to get too excited. For all I know, I could start bleeding again tonight, or in a couple days, or not for months. Or maybe it won't stop again when it starts - that's the number one fear. After all this time, I can't take anything for granted. After the last months, I have to take getting a period as a big win. But I keep thinking about it as though this will be a normal cycle... maybe I'm pregnant already... really shouldn't think like that.
I'm trying so hard to be pregnant, but in a way I just finished my first one. I feel like maybe I should take a break, but I also feel like I can't miss a chance. I'm so tired from all the sadness, all the tests. I've gone straight from the daily disappointment that I was still bleeding to daily checking for ovulation. I know I will want all this data, especially if I don't fall right back into normal cycles, but I may be setting myself up for lots of tww disappointments. I suppose I'll be disappointed by periods anyway, better to give myself the best chances.
I wish I was younger and felt like I had more time. We could use a little honeymoon after all this. But I'll be 32 in a few weeks and I always wanted to have 3 kids. Seems greedy now. But you have to keep working towards your dreams.
I just found out yet another friend is pregnant. Sigh. You want to be happy. You know you would have been once. Something about this one...maybe because it's the first pregnancy I learned about after passing my due date...I feel a little like she got my pregnancy. I haven't felt like that with any other pregnancies ...Hope it doesn't become a thing for me ... this cheated feeling...such an ugly feeling.
I miss the old me, but how can you be the same person after all this?
Replies
Try not to put to much presure on you and your body. I know it\'s easier said than done but after a loss you really need too. Maybe you can juat TTC without taking your temp and doing opks for just a month or two.
good luck. I hope you get your BFP soon.
I\'m sorry love. Know that I\'m thinking of you.
Hi Mary! I haven\'t been on DS in well over a month. My due date came and went too. The first months after my miscarriage I was just so sure I was pregnant again, but it was just all sorts of weird symptoms my body was going through trying to get itself back to normal. I know it\'s almost impossible not to get worked up every month and to start wishing and hoping, but if you can, try to be happy that your body is healing itself and that your normal period has started again. That\'s really something to celebrate! I\'ve gone through 8 months now of ups and downs hoping that this time is the time.. and then it never is.
I absolutely know how you feel about running out of time. I\'m 31, too, and I wish I had started trying 3 years ago!! But the truth is, we still have lots of time, and feeling desperate each month doesn\'t help me prepare for a time when I might actually get pregnant again. I have a friend who just had her first baby at 41. So I tell myself that really, I have 10 years still to have children, so I should stop feeling like I\'ve run out of time. It\'s just really hard because of the temptation to compare myself to everyone younger than me. You and I are still young, and years from now we will look back and realize it.
I hope you do get your second baby soon :)
By the way, I want three kids too. I think it\'s the sorrow that me feel hopeless sometimes. Each month after I had my period, I would feel just awful, but I realized each time that it was really my first baby I was mourning, not so much the period itself. There is still lots of time for us.