It's amazing how my day differs when I'm on my own. Everything seems to be followed with a step on the scales. I don't want to wash my hands after going to the toilet, until I've weighed myself, just in case that mysteriously adds weight on. My mind is ridiculous.
Not just that, I'm fighting to lose weight, but at the same time keep it on right now. I knew that the moment I saw that number going down, I would be fighting a losing battle. I take such pleasure in seeing that number lower than before. Part of being so fucked up I suppose.
I've been invited out today, to go ice skating. One of those last minute invites where people just expect you to drop everything and rush over. I've never handled them well, I get so anxious about everything. Where to park, when I can get cash out, what I should wear, how I can get around eating and what will everyone be thinking when they look at me. Everything takes time to contemplate and with fair warning, my anxiety dies down a little. 
As it happens, I have nothing else to do today, aside from being alone, browsing the internet, contemplating life. For me, that seems like an awful lot to do. I want to curl up and hide from the world, just for a day and then people want me to go out. No reason I give seems to be a good enough reason to them, but I will stay in, I'll hide from the horrible world outside and I'll try to relax.