Anxiety
I am strung very tight lately, highly emotional...not good at all. Next week is a cruise I am going on with my sister and mother. I am terrified. I don't know what's wrong with me. It's hard to leave my house, and without my husband...I'm a wreck. Once I am on the ship I don't think I will even have cell phone access to him. I wasn't like this before I lost Cassi. I just don't feel safe out in the wrld, especially without him. Which doesn't make any sense because my biggest nightmare already cAMe true. Nothing could ever hurt me that bad again. Or maybe it's just that I have been so damaged that I need him as my security blanket because I could so easily be pushed over the edge.
I can't back out now. But my mother keeps calling excited and wanting to talk about it and sends me straight to my ice cream ad Xanax and I'm still a wreck. I don't trust the world, life right now. It's scary out there.
I can't back out now. But my mother keeps calling excited and wanting to talk about it and sends me straight to my ice cream ad Xanax and I'm still a wreck. I don't trust the world, life right now. It's scary out there.
Replies
I am so sorry Gina. I call what you describe so well as my panic attacks. Couldn\'t breathe, couldn\'t think straight and couldn\'t leave my house. I wish there was something I could say or do. Perhaps once you get onboard you may be able to breathe?
tightest of hugs,
Merrilee
Hugs
I\'m so sorry Gina. I hope you find some peace. Tight hugs,
I know just what you mean. All bets are off, if a child can die before their mother, there is no sense to anything at all. We go through this, fear, it\'s totally not rational. Your mind got stuck in a labyrinth, a racing course, going round n round. Poor kid.
Hoping that the company of mom and sister, the rocking of the ship, the smooth space of the sea and sky, will offer release and consolation. Keep a journal and write to your husband while away. It helps to feel close.
Yes it is scary out there, and I know how scary it can be without what I call my comfort zone ( my husband). My anxieties were off the chart after losing Wes. I do hope that your mother can provide you with some calm while on your cruise. I have found laying on a lounge on the back of the ship looking at the wake has helped me. I would also take some books along, I became an avid reader after I lost Wes. It is a way to keep your brain occupied, even if you do end up rereading the same page. I was thinking of you today and remembered a book that I had read in the early days of this journey and wondered if you might find some semblance of peace in it that I did. It\'s called \"Embraced by the Light\" written by Betty Eadie, if you can\'t find it let me know and I will happily overnight my copy to you. I do hope that you may find even a little respite from your grief, big gentle hugs....Kathy
Yes, life is scary! But try to hold onto your mom and sister\'s love and support for you, while you are on the cruise. And each day, try to look for just one tiny beautiful thing! And then concentrate on that beautiful thing every time you feel anxious. Doing this helped me a lot.
Loving hugs!! xxx
I think you are having panic attacks and this is all due to the trauma of what happened loosing your daughter. A few months after my son Jesse was murdered, I would find myself scared and I could not watch T.V. or watch a person pushing another person down, I even felt like my brain was cracking inside. I went to a Dr. and he told me I was feeling fear and gave me medicine, 3 antidepress. Wellbutrin, Przac and effexor along with xanax. I could not even walk and I was scared of anything and everything. It was coming out of a shock I was in. I stayed on meds for a couple of years during the murder trial and ect. I could not work, I would loose my focus. It was a real night mare. I saw a very good psychotherapists and it took a little time to get right again and one day I just stopped all the medicine and just stayed on a drug called lexapro. I have to take that. I will never be right again or who I was, but I made it through with the help of a good Dr. and medicine that I needed at the time. I then lost my last son 12 years later and this time I took nothing andsome how got through. You really should see a Dr. I remember I could not even breath right. Thank God I had my husband and a good girl friend that helped me out alot. I even found myself in a hospital ER getting hooked up on an EKG because I thought I was having a heartt attack. All of this was due to the trauma of loosing both kids. The worst thing I did was isolate myself. It took time and a good therapist to help me get back to normal, even though I will never be the same, atleast I felt normal again. If you keep feeeling like you have, go see a Dr. It is horrible to feel scared. Good luck and I hope all it is that you need a good nights rest. XOX, Debbie
Gina,
I will be thinking of you on your trip. Hopefully you will be able to have some calm time when you will be able to just sit and have the good memories surround you. Your Mom and sister want to give you only love and I hope you will be accepting. Cassi is with you in your heart always. Hugs, Kathy
It\'s so difficult to be able to participate in life again. I still have a hard time when I hear sirens or even the doorbell. I went on an extended weekend a few short months after my son died. I remember my mom telling me that it was good to see me smile. I think I hadn\'t smiled in almost four months. Of course they weren\'t always happy smiles but I tried. Be patient with yourself and know that all that you experience is normal. Do your best to enjoy this cruise. Your Cassi would want you to enjoy this time. She really would. Maybe the breeze and the sound of the waters will be calming. Much love. Robin
Understanding and hoping that it will unfold in the kindest and most gentle of ways.
Heartfelt (((hugs))) of care,
XO Joanie
Panic attacks can be grueling. My doc prescribed 500mg of magnesium for me to take at night and it did help a lot and helped me sleep. I think once you get on the cruiseship you may feel a little more peaceful. I have taken cruises and there is so much going on that it does keep your mind occupied and off your problems.
Hoping you find some peace in the days ahead. Love, katrina
My suggestion is take the cruise, they are very relaxing. You do not have to party or do anything you do not want to do. Just enjoy the water the fresh air. I seem to be able to think and enjoy more when I do not have to worry about things. I get up do breakfast enjoy an island adventure or just wonder around looking at new things. The food is good and the entertainment is good. Please try to look on the bright side of things, this may help you get through Moms excitement.
Tight Hugs
Penny
I think many if not all of us have gone through this. It is horrible! If I find myself slipping into these anxiety modes, I try to redirect myself and my thinking. It is not easy. I am hoping that the cruise turns out to be a good thing for you. I think isolating myself was the worst thing I could have done and I regret it now, but I have also forgiven myself. I also have come to realize I do not want to live my life in fear. This is a long, hard journey and you have my prayers for a good and safe trip.
Sending love,
Leda
Thinking of you. Love and tight hugs, M