Wednesday
Woke up a little depressed today...at first I thought uh oh...but I am doing this Gratitude Journal and year of Happiness, what's wrong with me???
Then it occurred to me, it's life. To get to the point of always being happy is a long, long way off...maybe not till the next life. So I decided it was okay to feel blue. I felt it, then moved on.
I am not so much the jumping for joy, I found all the answers to life, way I was a few days ago, again, part of life.
Buddha said that In life pain is unavoidable but suffering is not. The pain will come but it's my choice to not dwell in the darkness. I must learn to feel all the necessary emotions spirit is guiding me to feel and then MOVE ON. That is the key for me because my whole life I seemed to yearn for at least be comfortable with cavorting with depression. I thought it made me deeper, more interesting. Oh the difference a tragedy can make...even for the better.
How I wished I could have stumbled upon this level of spiritual living before I lost her. I was dark so she was dark. Not that it's all bad, there is beauty in darkness, but you need a candle to guide your way...you need to HAVE a way.
I think of another child lost, whose mother is here, a SOTH, all American, blonde, blue eyes beauty that exuded sunshine...that wasn't my Cassi...she preferred her light from the moon and stars. Oh how I wish I could go back, knowing what I know now...but we all do.
I almost named Cassi Raven...she used to love that name and scold me that I didn't.
It's been overcast and rainy all day, possibly contributing to my blues but it's okay...it hasn't been that bad and I have all the faith in the world the happy, happy, joy, joy days will be back in a day of two.
Thanks, as always, for being there sisters,
Gina
Then it occurred to me, it's life. To get to the point of always being happy is a long, long way off...maybe not till the next life. So I decided it was okay to feel blue. I felt it, then moved on.
I am not so much the jumping for joy, I found all the answers to life, way I was a few days ago, again, part of life.
Buddha said that In life pain is unavoidable but suffering is not. The pain will come but it's my choice to not dwell in the darkness. I must learn to feel all the necessary emotions spirit is guiding me to feel and then MOVE ON. That is the key for me because my whole life I seemed to yearn for at least be comfortable with cavorting with depression. I thought it made me deeper, more interesting. Oh the difference a tragedy can make...even for the better.
How I wished I could have stumbled upon this level of spiritual living before I lost her. I was dark so she was dark. Not that it's all bad, there is beauty in darkness, but you need a candle to guide your way...you need to HAVE a way.
I think of another child lost, whose mother is here, a SOTH, all American, blonde, blue eyes beauty that exuded sunshine...that wasn't my Cassi...she preferred her light from the moon and stars. Oh how I wish I could go back, knowing what I know now...but we all do.
I almost named Cassi Raven...she used to love that name and scold me that I didn't.
It's been overcast and rainy all day, possibly contributing to my blues but it's okay...it hasn't been that bad and I have all the faith in the world the happy, happy, joy, joy days will be back in a day of two.
Thanks, as always, for being there sisters,
Gina
Replies
THIS journal inspires and impresses me more than any other you\'ve written!! You have shared the sacred truth.....LIFE WILL BRING PAIN, IT\'S UP TO US AS TO HOW WE DEAL WITH IT AND HOW WE ALLOW IT TO CHANGE US. AND....pain comes around again and again, to varying degrees and in varying ways. Once we KNOW that we KNOW that we can and will survive the darkness, because we continually look for the light, we can \"rest\" in the pain (sadness, depression, anger even) and let it be what it is for that moment.
I have WAY more JOY, JOY days now than days filled with tears and depression. I have more joy days now than I did even before the great tragedy of my life. Now that\'s pretty damn amazing if you ask me.
And we all have a \"dark side\". And we all have the LIGHT within us. We are wondrously made!
Keep sharing Gina~~you give recharge my batteries!
Gina, you and the spirit of books you have shared with us are such an inspiration to so many of us, me included. I felt a little down yesterday too and like you, I allowed myself to feel it and then I started counting my blessings. Thank you. I am so grateful to be feeling good, after a lifetime of being miserable - both in physical and chronic pain and in deepening depression. I look back to before I lost Josh and I am ashamed to say my attitude at times was not all that good. Through this loss, I have learned to know how deep the love for family is and to learn how vulnerable I can be to many human frailties. It has made me less judgemental or perhaps being older has done so, too.
I credit changing my diet to much of the alleviation of my physical and chronic pain as well. I am so very grateful that I found this diet. It is a lot of work but the energy and pain relief I have found or this miracle God has given me has made so vast a difference in my life! After all, it all started with a whispered prayer! I hope to read the books you recommended but right now I am in the scope of why this diet works for me and so many others and am fascinated by the explanations that are somewhat worrisome in that they go against conventional wisdom, but for so many of us make us function ever so much better.
I agree, keep sharing Gina, we never know how many lives we touch with what we do or say.
Sending love,
Leda
One of the biggest corners to turn IS this one... That we can have blue days sprinkled in the midst and then we can have days where life feels like living once again. It\'s being awakened to all of this within ourselves that is such an aha moment and to know that we can return to this place again and again.
Yes, we must have both the darkness and the light and I always imagine our womb experience of what was happening within that darkness for nine plus months; a miracle.
Loving care on this path back to ourselves,
XO Joanie
Thank you Gina - I am so blessed to call you a sister of mine.....your heart resonates with mine on \"good days\" and you remind me there will be \"bad days\" but I always have a choice in how to deal with it......Awesome, Gina. Thank you. Vicki
Just read a quote today that i added to my collection...maybe i collected it for you...
\"Healing comes from taking responsibility: to realize that it is you - and no one else - that creates your thoughts, your feelings, and your actions.\"
Peter Shepherd