Sigh....
Another sad and lonely Sunday...it will soon be 18 months...it feels like a lifetime, which I suppose it is. My new life without Cassi. I know it will always be so hard, it makes me wonder why we keep going, especially if we have no other children depending on us (me). There are moments of happiness and I wait for them. I did not have any today, maybe I will have one tomorrow...I hope it will get better, I really do have hope because this is no way to live, no way to get old and enjoy golden years.
My poor, poor baby, what pain she must have been in. Such hopelessness...that makes it even harder for me, knowing how she suffered for so long. Looking for one solution, then another, nothing to come to fruition. If only I had the knowledge that she was happy at times...looking back, times she looked happy are tainted by what I now know.
Tomorrow is another day...
My poor, poor baby, what pain she must have been in. Such hopelessness...that makes it even harder for me, knowing how she suffered for so long. Looking for one solution, then another, nothing to come to fruition. If only I had the knowledge that she was happy at times...looking back, times she looked happy are tainted by what I now know.
Tomorrow is another day...
Replies
Oh Gina I know, I go through the same thing. This new normal is so hard at times.
I feel that sometimes... the struggle to remember when Cara had happy times because she struggled so with the depression and anxiety... I know she did have happy times... but its like I keep assuming her smiles masked her real feelings... Honestly... thinking about my own struggles with depression anxiety... I have had many happy times... before Cara died... Now I have to be honest and say that pretty much all the time sadness is the background... I think sometimes I feel almost guilty that I am alive... like if I really am so sad why don\'t I just... but that\'s the downer part of me... on the flip... I recognize and accept that I am an organism... and the innate instinct to survive is strong in me too... I am blessed with family... but to be honest... I have little contact with them... they\'re busy... aren\'t we all when we\'re so busy raising our families... I hate my comment... its depressing... but I do want you to know we get it... Cassie was your only child... I imagine it is even harder.. Losing our children hurts so much... Its hard to see anything but the pain sometimes. I will pray for us all that we\'ll have some gentler kinder happier moments soon. Hugs Elissa
I have felt what you feel. The loneliness and sadness. Seven years into my life without my only son I have more happy memories now. I think of my son every day and I know he is in a wonderful place. Please continue to be gentle with yourself and know there are others of us who are here to offer our support.
Yes, life without our beautiful children suck! Knowing that our children are happy and whole now, is a small comfort. Fact is, we miss them so very much! And we will carry our pain inside us, for as long as we live!! What I cannot understand, is how the world outside can make a big fuss supporting those who go through a relationship break-up, but cannot understand the pain of losing a child........
Gentle hugs to you, my dear friend. xxx
Sometimes life just sucks. That dark hole seems to engulf us at times. It feels like we will never find our way out. But I have scratched my way out many times. After 5 years, I can now remind myself that I will feel joy again. I believe you will too.
I believe Cassi and Lisa are at peace, and I know they want us to be happy again.
I am looking forward to meeting you in October. I am registered!
Love and tight hugs, M
Understanding your feelings that you are describing and the depth and breadth of them too. Hopeful and prayerful that today is lighter on your heart and that you can feel Cassi with you.
Love that cardinals are a sign for you and I believe I might have shared that they were for my mom with my brother.
Easy does it and yes, this path has changed each of us forever. More empathy, compassion and kindness is what I always pray fills some of my empty spaces.
Loving care dear Gina and stay close,
XO Joanie
Go easy on yourself, go with the tide. This journey of grief is a painful one, we all have each other.
Hugs
Penny