Back Again
I didn't go to work today. As I was leaving my dogs started howling, crying, whimpering and I was thrust back in time to when I would have to leave Cassi at daycare to go to work. I called in sick.
All that time I wasted, that and so much more, that I can't have back now...sigh...
It seems worse...I don't even think I am saving the world anymore, not even one person. I just feel lonely, abandoned, hopeless. I want to be saved but know I must do it myself and right now I just can't feel it.
I'm just so sad, so damned sad. I hope it gets better.
All that time I wasted, that and so much more, that I can't have back now...sigh...
It seems worse...I don't even think I am saving the world anymore, not even one person. I just feel lonely, abandoned, hopeless. I want to be saved but know I must do it myself and right now I just can't feel it.
I'm just so sad, so damned sad. I hope it gets better.
Replies
Deepest of sighs.....I can so relate to what you are saying - the \"if onlys\" sometimes I think when I look at a picture of Jennifer at 3 years old - if only I would have known her life would be short, if only, what would I have done differently? and the questions can go on endlessly in my head.....
Gina - I know I get tired sometimes of others telling me\" you did the best you could with what you knew at the time\"....it doesn\'t really help but it is true. I hate the fact that hindsight is better....we know more NOW....we are different people NOW....So so sorry....I\'m so glad you are here where just maybe the lonely, abandoned, hopeless feeling can be felt just a little \"lighter\" knowing everyone is here for YOU.
You needed to call in sick..that in itself is saving yourself - you can only give to others for so many days, then it is your turn - TODAY!!!!
Sending a hug your way---Vicki
I am so sorry Gina. I think your pets were telling you that you need a break. Animals are very perceptive. Your job is stressful and to do a job like that, you need to look after you.
Believe me when I say that you are saving the world, one person at a time. You never know what impact you are making on another person\'s life.
Love and tight hugs,
Marlene
I hope you were able to nurture you today. Never feel bad about caring for yourself. You need time to mourn the losses.
i\'m so sorry for your loss. sending gentle healing hugs to you. it\'s good that you took this day for yourself.
Gina, I am glad you were able to take the day off. I hope you were able to get some rest. Big hugs to you my Friend, Nell
Glad you stayed home today. The dogs acting up is almost like an omen or warning, to you not to go. Always listen to the little inner voice, when your intuition tells you what to do, or not to do.
You make an impact on lots of people, wheather you know it or not. Your work to raise attention to the plight of young people suicide is very impressive. You are stronger than you think you are.
One step at a time & breathe....
(((HUGS)))...Julia
You are saving the world...one person at a time....and that person is YOU!!! By doing the work of grief as you are....feeling it all, expressing it all, venturing out into the \"real\" world when you can, and acknowledging and honoring when you can\'t....that\'s how you are saving you and by saving you, you save countless others....many you may never know about! We each have a tremendous rippling affect on our world. Rarely seen, yet very powerful. Trust your ripples. They are working their magic!
I love you and am sending all the LOVE energy and good vibes I\'ve got your way this very moment!!
Gina, like on the airplane, you have to put the oxygen on yourself first. Remember that as you continue to do such good work. I am in awe of what you do. Blessings and peace should come to you. I am with you. Hugs, Kathy
DEAR SWEET GINA: YOU WILL GET BETTER I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL IT HAS BEEN ALONG TIME FOR ME BUT I KNOW THE SADNESS YOU ARE FEELING, THE EMPTYNESS, THE WISH \"GOD I WISH I COULD GO BACK AND BE A BETTER MOM DO MORE FOR MY DAUGHTER, I DO IT NOW I REGRET. SO MUCH. BUT IT IS GOING TO GET BETTER TAKES TIME IT SUCKS. YOU ARE DOING GOOD WORKING. GOING THROUGH YOUR GRIEF JOURNEY, AS BEST AS YOU CAN. I,AM SENDING YOU BIG WARM HUG AND THE GREAT STRENGTH YOU HAVE PLUS LOTS OF LOVE FOR YOU AND YOUR CHELSIE. MY DAUGHTER GONE YOURS. . BUT WE WILL MAKE IT.. LOVE , LOVE, LOVE, BLESS YOUR SPECIAL ANGEL..
It takes a long time...on those darkest of days...remember it DOES get better. It will be 8 years this Monday for Alex...I miss him everyday...but I have found that life IS good. Love and gentle hugs...Karen
Oh, how those fur babies delighted in a day with you and you with them. You are listening to what you need now and you must, Gina.
Just knowing that you are not alone I hope brings a softness on those days where everything feels so hard.
You are walking this grief path as best as you are able and that is all you can ask of yourself for today.
Loving care and so much understanding
XO Joanie
Hi Gina, I ave found that a day off is what we need sometimes. I am glad you took care of yourself.
For me, I have some guilt and regret over time wasted too. It helps me, when I do something positive for the universe to dedicate it to Ed. I say, \"This one\'s for you\" and I believe he is pleased.
As others have said, the pain does lighten. Its never easy but it does feel lighter over time. Love to you and dearest Cassi, Linda