TGIF!!!

Wow...what a week...it's been very emotional at times. In reference to my previous post, some of you questioned my daughter's friend writing to me about the troubles she is having. Well, I love her, and I need her in my life...I always kept all of Cassi's friends very close and I have to confess it was manipulative of me because I wanted to know as much as possible about what was going on in her life. However...I have always really, really liked her friends. They are funny and fun...just like her. Hayley, in particular, had her heart. Cassi was devoted to her despite having a very tumultuous 4+ year relationship. Hayley hurt Cassi deeply many times and I am sure Cassi hurt Hayley as well. However, in the end, I had to think about what Cassi would have wanted me to do about Hayley. Throughout the years, no matter what, Cassi remained utterly devoted to Hayley. Many of Cassi's friends did not understand my welcoming of Hayley and her family to be involved in her final services. All I could say was that Cassi loved her and would have wanted it that way. She has been there for me during bad times and I will be there for her during hers. I have also developed a very close relationship with Hayley's grandmother who loved Cassi dearly. I feel in a way we are part of a big family created by and revolving around Cassi. I feel like Cassi would have wanted us to cling to each other.
My job...well, I am certainly being of service to those less fortunate. My "honeymoon phase" seems to be ending and I have been running around like a mad woman trying to squeeze 12 hours of work into 8 hours...and yet there is always more to be done. It never ends...I have to figure out a way to set boundaries and accept that I need to do my scheduled duties and step back. At this rate I am going to burn out quickly. My whole team is made up of giving people, our time, our energy, our support, our compassion, even our money. We all spend our own money daily on little things to make our clients feel human, small things, but it adds up. We all work many hours we do not bill for...and our boss does as well. Of course she makes a lot more money than any of us, even our ARNP, yet she is constantly spending her own money when our budget is too tight for something a client really needs. Just this week she paid a client's utility bill with her own money...so it is just expected. It's a non-profit organization so we are all driven by a passion for service, however the team has a high turnover rate...like I said, I have to find my own comfort zone and try not to burn out. I hope I am making Cassi proud.
I had a difficult morning with a very ill client...I volunteered because she has had rguments with so many of the team members, we all thought a new face might help, not to mention a tender heart...and I do believe I made her happy for a while, but she is really disturbed and angry so I know my time will come. I spent some time this afternoon with another client with schizophrenia, we have so many of them. I find it particularly challenging because it's my nature to want to delve deep to get to know the real person and that simply isn't possible with clients so troubled. I don't have the power to get past their delusions, hallucinations and paranoid thoughts to know who they truly are.
So, hopefully I can rest up this weekend...snuggle with my dogs and hopefully think happy thoughts about my precious child. Hope everyone has a good weekend!!