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I am not sure what is going on here with some sisters...you are needed, but no one can ask you to stay if it is impeding your healing. The sisters who have been on the journey the longest have provided me much needed support and advice. I am 5 months in...I still need sisters further ahead in the journey with me and I am not ready to step up and be one of those sisters for the new mothers coming in. I can talk to them and do my best to help...but my days are fraught with the horrors my life has become...I am not sure how much help I can really offer when I still have so far to go myself.
Today, I drove the 90 miles I drive every 3 months to get my precious fur babies groomed. I don't trust many people with them, so it's just something I have to do. My groomer is meticulous but quite slow and I usually have several hours to kill far away from home. I was killing time in Wal-Mart...looking at books...some were upsetting. I am more spiritual than religious...my beliefs are strong, despite being different from the main stream. I have read many books that speak to me, that make sense to me, including those of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. I believe Heaven is real and that we ALL go there...I believe we have a life review in which we judge ourselves...we see all the actions in our lives and how they affected others. We feel the pain we caused in others, yet we are also shown the "whole story"...why we did what we did. I don't believe in hell...I don't believe our Higher Power, no matter what name we call him/her by, loves each of us unconditionally. It never made sense to me that a Being such as that could send our souls to a place of eternal suffering. I believe when we die, when the spirit leaves the body and the mind and especially the ego, we leave behind all the negativity, though we still must review our lives and experience the pain we caused others, then we are able to forgive ourselves and become the perfect children of God we all are. I can't remember the exact quote, but I read something recently that made sense to my soul..."God made truth with many doors to choose from". I believe that...and yet...in the section of religious books were claimed Near Death Experiences in which the authors were shown glimpses of the horrors of hell. There were also many books of Near Death Experiences in which the authors write about how we all must accept Jesus as our personal savior...I believe in Jesus, I love Jesus...but I can not believe the original Dalai Lama is burning in hell...Ghandi was a Hindu...Buddha said something like, "Believe nothing, no matter where you read it no matter who has said it, even if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own inner reason and common sense" That is the translation...and it makes sense to me, makes sense to my soul. Much more so than what I was taught in my Baptist Church...to accept Jesus or burn in hell...but He loves you...I believe Jesus loves us all, I can't accept or believe that millions of Buddhists, Hindus, Muslims, Taoists...will suffer eternal torment for not calling their Higher Power the name of Jesus.
I am strong in my beliefs, especially my belief that Love reigns supreme...but those stories of fire and brimstone still bother me. My daughter was a lesbian. My daughter committed suicide. I believe in a loving God that welcomed her into paradise. I believe that wholeheartedly...yet those other stories hurt me. They really hurt...and I need the counsel of my wise sisters.
Today, I drove the 90 miles I drive every 3 months to get my precious fur babies groomed. I don't trust many people with them, so it's just something I have to do. My groomer is meticulous but quite slow and I usually have several hours to kill far away from home. I was killing time in Wal-Mart...looking at books...some were upsetting. I am more spiritual than religious...my beliefs are strong, despite being different from the main stream. I have read many books that speak to me, that make sense to me, including those of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. I believe Heaven is real and that we ALL go there...I believe we have a life review in which we judge ourselves...we see all the actions in our lives and how they affected others. We feel the pain we caused in others, yet we are also shown the "whole story"...why we did what we did. I don't believe in hell...I don't believe our Higher Power, no matter what name we call him/her by, loves each of us unconditionally. It never made sense to me that a Being such as that could send our souls to a place of eternal suffering. I believe when we die, when the spirit leaves the body and the mind and especially the ego, we leave behind all the negativity, though we still must review our lives and experience the pain we caused others, then we are able to forgive ourselves and become the perfect children of God we all are. I can't remember the exact quote, but I read something recently that made sense to my soul..."God made truth with many doors to choose from". I believe that...and yet...in the section of religious books were claimed Near Death Experiences in which the authors were shown glimpses of the horrors of hell. There were also many books of Near Death Experiences in which the authors write about how we all must accept Jesus as our personal savior...I believe in Jesus, I love Jesus...but I can not believe the original Dalai Lama is burning in hell...Ghandi was a Hindu...Buddha said something like, "Believe nothing, no matter where you read it no matter who has said it, even if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own inner reason and common sense" That is the translation...and it makes sense to me, makes sense to my soul. Much more so than what I was taught in my Baptist Church...to accept Jesus or burn in hell...but He loves you...I believe Jesus loves us all, I can't accept or believe that millions of Buddhists, Hindus, Muslims, Taoists...will suffer eternal torment for not calling their Higher Power the name of Jesus.
I am strong in my beliefs, especially my belief that Love reigns supreme...but those stories of fire and brimstone still bother me. My daughter was a lesbian. My daughter committed suicide. I believe in a loving God that welcomed her into paradise. I believe that wholeheartedly...yet those other stories hurt me. They really hurt...and I need the counsel of my wise sisters.
Replies
I too am spiritual rather than religious. I believe those who relate their near death experiences can only describe them with their current knowledge and beliefs and that is just fine. The constant seems to be going to the light and having someone there for them. Some talk of meeting Jesus, others meet their deceased relatives who have come to help them \'cross over\'.
I agree that love is what really counts. I am not one to pass judgement on anyone\'s beliefs. I do draw the line at hate and violence though.
The wonderful thing about FMO is that we are free to be who we are.
Re moms who leave FMO. Some come for awhile and get on with their lives; others take some time out. I do when I am on vacation (I go away quite often). But I consider FMO a home now and always return.
The wonderful women on the board are committed to keeping FMO alive and vibrant so it is very unlikely that there will be nobody to share their stories.
Love to Cassi.
Huge hugs,
Marlene
I, too, consider myself \"spiritual\", not \"religious\". I have certain beliefs, and one o those is that my son Doug live a good life, was a good, loving person and he is now in heaven. Shortly after his passing I had a close friend, who is highly religious - I think her beliefs that she follows are called \"charismatic\" - ask me if I knew that only those who cried out to Jesus Christ in the moment of their death went to heaven. I was stunned. This from someone who\'s son struggles with alcoholism, anger issues...but she is praying him into heaven. She later tried to deny she said this to me. It was very hurtful. I too have heard about our souls having this \"life review\". I\'ve also been told that Doug and I had a \"soul agreement\" for this to happen for my spiritual journey. In a strange way that gives me some peace. I have survived greatly due to the wonderful moms on fmo. Yet I can say participating on fmo can be emotionally draining and I think at some time or another we all need to take a step back. Sometimes I feel it keeps me in my grief. Other times I have a great need to pay it forward. We all need to do what is in our best interest to take care of ourselves, while at the same time wishing all love and peace. Sue xo
I am a Christian and I believe the God I serve tells me to love. It is the greatest commandment. I also spent years in a lesbian lifestyle. God did not love me any less, but constantly put people in my path to let me know that He was still holding me. We are all born into sin and that is my particular bent. God created us and has known what each of us battle daily. There is no judgement from Him on the broken. He is only a rope knotted not to a noose, but to a life preserver.
I am afraid well meaning and some not so well meaning Christians forget who they are representing. They spew judgement and chase away the broken with ball bats of their hypocritical morality. I am always reminding my fellow church goers of that. Most hear it and change their outlook but some will always think that they are above the rest of the world. Love your heart Gina...wish you were closer. Lauri
I am a believer and like so you many of you, not so much \"religious\" as I am spiritual. You must really like your dog\'s groomer to travel so far to have them groomed! You must find your own peace and within your own soul, not from others. Everyone has a different concept of what is right or wrong. You are facing head-on questions and that is a good thing! In the end though, it is what YOU believe, not what others tell you to believe. Than you will find peace.
Peace :-)
I believe that our Creator is all loving, knowing and forgiving... Anything that is contrary to that I have no interest in and there will be as many different perspectives on this as there are people.
FMO is indeed a healing community and what makes it that is that each of us owns a piece of the truth... Our truth and in the sharing is the healing. I know it feels unsettling to have moms that you have come to count on take some time for themselves... I understand...
Embrace what gives your heart peace and know without a shred of doubt that your Cassi was welcomed with the warmest embrace and purest LOVE she could have ever felt. The only divisions that exist are here on earth and will not be experienced or felt beyond the veil. I hold onto this and it gives me peace.
With you and caring,
XO Joanie
laurim45...Lauri...I am sensing negative energy about the fact that my daughter was/is a lesbian. In the way you phrased it \"lived years in the lesbian lifestyle\" , It is sounding as though it was something you CHOSE rather than WHO you were. Just because you might have had lesbian relationships doesn\'t mean you are a true lesbian, as in born a lesbian. My daughter had no more choice in her sexual orientation than she did in the fact that she was 5\'5\" inches tall with blue eyes. Also, the way you say that God loved you \"anyway\"??? Well, why wouldn\'t He??? It seems as though you believe that homosexuality leads to a \"broken\" person that the hypocritical chase away??? My daughter was broken, but not for that reason and she always had complete support from me and her father. We just wanted her to be happy...unfortunately that was not to be in this life. She did not commit suicide because she was gay. She committed suicide because she had a devastating disorder and after fighting it for years, she gave up hope that she would ever get over it. I am so tired of explaining this, but I guess I have no choice...at least until the collective consciousness is more evolved. In the Bible, Old Testament, which refers to homosexuality it was in the context of the Jewish civil laws of the time, not commandments from God. Read Leviticus...If you want to consider homosexuality a sin then I suppose you must still believe in blood sacrifice and all of the other civil laws of the time. You can\'t pick and choose...And you can\'t say That all those other laws, such as not eating pork or shellfish, were changed when Jesus came along, but still cling to those laws people find easy to use to judge others...I am sure you know Jesus never spoke against homosexuality...The Jewish Civil Laws had a place in their time. Homosexuality as well as masturbation were prohibited because we were meant to be fruitful and multiply...Well, we have 6 billion people now. I do believe we have done our duty, overdone our duty to multiply. My daughter was perfect, perfectly Cassi, just the way she was. Her disease, over time, took over but rest assured, it was her mental disorder that caused her to end her life, not the fact that she was gay.
Gina, for me, I feel that being here on FMO at almost 5 years now since Ed left for Heaven that I want to give back and support the newer moms as others supported me. I am not going anywhere and hope I can be of support to you and the other moms who have recently experienced the devastation of their child\'s passing. And I learn from you as well..your insights have been helpful to me too.
I am a Christian who happens to go to a Methodist Church (my walk as a Christian is not defined by a denomination) but I do like the stance Methodism takes as far as ALL are welcomed at God\'s table. I too believe that a loving God welcomes all at His table and I believe our children are safely in Jesus\'s arms. Your daughter, my son, all our children were made in God\'s image and He loves them even more than we do. He loves them in a divine and perfect way. All of us fall short of the glory of God and that is why He sent His son to pay the price for sin. And He lives and therefore defeated death.
Have you read \"The Shack\"? It is a beautiful and profound fiction book that has amazing visualizations of Heaven but describes God\'s love for all of us in such a clear and tender way. I loved the book.
I have read some books on NDE and some of them I found upsetting so I stopped reading them. Some I found comforting and affirming. One I was pleasantly surprised by was \"Heaven is For Real\" by Todd Burpo. It was an amazing book in my opinion.
Your precious daughter has been welcomed into Paradise by God who loves her dearly. Just as my son Ed has been welcomed in. We WILL see them again one day. Rest and take comfort in that knowledge. Love to you and dearest Cassi, Linda