Gratitude

Feeling such gratitude today...first of all, yesterday went by much easier than I expected. Had lunch with my mother...visited Cassi. Then today a friend of mine sent me a book. If you are on facebook I posted pics of it. There is a poem I love by e.e. cummings "i carry your heart"...I had it tattoed on my arm, a line from the poem. I think I have a pic on here. Anyway, she had a children's book illustrated to the poem sent to me. It is told through a mother and her daughter. It isn't typically seen as a mother/daughter poem...but that was how I felt it. Anyway, in addition to the mother and daughter which starts with a pregnant Mom and ends with the toddler heading off alone, presumably to school, there is a mother and baby elephant throughout the story, on every page. Annah didn't know about the "thing" I have for elephants. I have always loved them. They live a matriarchal society. The females live their entire lives together, all the generations, working together, raising the young. I collect elephants, but most have been given to me from very important females in my life, mother, mother-in-law, friends, most precious, my daughter. Several years ago, when Cassi started changing, she didn't like me very much. I misunderstood...felt she was pulling away, so I clung...things snowballed. We had been inseparable...she was spreading her wings, but also her illness had started manifesting, we just didn't know it yet. So it was very special to me when out of the blue one day she called me and told me she wanted us to get matching tattoos... I was thrilled. I went to visit her for a long weekend and she showed me the tattoo she had picked out for us, a mother and daughter elephant, in a folksy style put together like puzzle pieces...I LOVE elephants...Annah knew none of this...it just had never come up in any of our conversations...I believe with all my heart Cassi led her to find this little book...another "wink". Her heart beat for the first time in my womb, and my heart has beat for her ever since. 
So...my day wasn't filled with activities, but I couldn't be happier unless I could have my baby with me again...Someday, we will be back together.